Eight Hands

Eight Hands playing Marche Militaire by Schubert: Lola, Miko, Luigi, and Mommy P. This piece will be played by the kids and two other kids at their upcoming Students' Piano Recital at Aldaba Hall, U.P. Diliman on March 19. All of Lola's piano students are now cramming their recital pieces. I remember yesterday, the world was so young... fun times with Grandma, sharing moments of fun.

Lola's Special Guests

Miko, Luigi, and Luigi's newest creation from MindStorms Lego. That has been Miko's favorite pose since he was 1 year old. He's turning 7 this April.

Mama & Friends

Mama and friends from St. Joseph's College High School Department

Mama is 63!

She had a party with her friends here at home. The flowers are from me. It's my tradition to give her a bouquet, even though her birthday falls so close to Valentine's Day and its corresponding increase in flowers' prices. Siyempre para kay Mama worth it yun.

Happy 63rd birthday to my Mama!  

Tara Na, Kain Tayo

The QT's as wacky Food Committee in the Purpose-Driven Life Seminar given by Lingkod Makati, Greenhills and QC for Ateneo seniors. Thanks Nick for originally uploading this.

I'm going to give a PDL talk for the very first time. Scary thought. But don't tell the students!

If the Template Fits

I'm currently trying out a new template, which is more streamlined than my previous one. Thanks Marlon for all your help.

How does it look?

Expression Limitations

It may be an experience that is not unique to me but is familiar to all bloggers: some of my family/friends who read my blog regularly tend to think that what I write and publish is everything that’s going on and my day, or my life, is reduced to five paragraphs. I receive text or YM messages asking me if I’m ok and then I go, “Of course I’m ok, and thanks for asking, but may I know why you asked?” And then I get this reply: “That’s good to hear, because I was concerned after reading your blog.”

My memory is not as sharp as it used to be so I do tend to forget what I wrote about passionately only a few days before. Plus, I am a woman with hormones that lead to mood swings. There’s a time in the month, which lasts for about a week, when I look at the world with rose-colored spectacles. The stars are aligned, there is hope all around, and I am at peace. A week later I could look at the same world with fear and anxiety. I could notice all the problems while driving from my house to the office and be affected and made insecure by all the things people say. This is brought about by my very nature as a woman, and hopefully is not a sign of manic-depressive behavior or multiple personality disorder. I’d like to think that it’s normal.

Since it is published on the world wide web, read by strangers and friends alike, I edit what I post on this blog. There are thousands of topics that I try to avoid, as dictated by prudence and propriety. I know you readers can find news, tips, opinions, photos, reports, etc. in other, more reputable websites. I just write here about things that are going on in my head or my heart that I think would be of interest to you, either because you had gone through something similar in life, or because you would be entertained by the mistakes I so gladly commit day after day. If I have a grudge against anyone, I go to the proper forum for that. I have learned to withhold names to protect identities. I have learned to withhold sharings altogether if they would not be upbuilding about other people. I have held back from lashing out entries such as "The Lies That Married Men Make" because I do not want to offend anyone, especially my friends, by my views on marriage, which is both a Sacrament and a contract (a special contract, in fact), and how the enemy has twisted it to rob it of its very essence. Maybe, at the proper time, I could be led to write about such topics. (I am free for consultation on the matter, however. Just email me.)

Finally, I have the greatest difficulty in expressing happiness. I know I should write about God’s love and its manifestations but when things are okay, the words don’t flow as freely as when they’re driving me crazy. Probably, at the back of my head I’m afraid to write something that won’t hold true the day after. I’m scared of being happy, of the me “I yearn to be but fear to know”, as the song "God of Silence" says.

Like tonight, for example. I am happy. I have been so since yesterday, which was my day off, it being a Monday. I was able to rest, clean my room, do my laundry, write in my prayer journal, hear Mass, see a dear friend whom I’ve missed, have dinner with my barkada, then have coffee with one of my oldest friends, yes, all in one beautiful day. I even received belated Christmas gifts. A perfume I had been staring at for so long in the store racks was given to me, an ex-deal for a writing/editing job that I did, true, but still I didn’t ask for it so it was a delight to receive it. It’s Romance by Ralph Lauren. The color, packaging and scent all contributed to my daydreaming of owning one someday, but since I couldn’t afford it, I just waited for it. Now, I have a 100mL bottle of it. I am happy.

One of my best friends is getting married this year. Having waited with her, I am happy for her. But I can't write about it in detail as their parents have yet to find out that they are engaged!

And I love my job. I love waking up and looking forward to what the day would bring. I love walking into the office and greeting my officemates. I love being of help. My work makes sense right now.

There are other things, and people, that I love and who make me happy. I’m sorry if I don’t write about them as often. I will try to. For now, help me pray that I hold on to this happiness for a little while longer. It’s a good feeling.

The God of Silence

The year was 1999. I was twenty-four (24) years old and a fresh law graduate when I first went on a five-day silent retreat, upon the invitation of my Legal Ethics professor, Atty. Vyva Aguirre, who is part of the Notre Dame de Vie secular institute. I heard about their Holy Week retreat then from Ted, who said it helped him deal with the monumental challenges of handling the Leo Echegaray death penalty case, but I only went on that retreat when I was ready to be silent and to hear the things I was about to face, i.e., the upcoming bar review and examinations that I would take.

I rode, together with Ma'am Vyva and another member of the NDV, who is a professor at the U.P. School of Economcis, to Mother of Life in Novaliches. We rode in the car of yet another professor who was going to attend the retreat with his wife, and who taught me Econometrics (Economics with Calculus: something I enjoyed before but cannot for the life of me recall nowadays). I thought I was going to be alone in that retreat, but there I was in the car with three of my professors.

The surprises did not stop there. During the first meal, which was dinner, I was approached by a teacher from Manila Science High School, the Journalism adviser for the freshmen and sophomores, and she too is part of the NDV. I could not help but think that God was surrounding me with such a great cloud of witnesses.

I then embarked on a journey to discover something new about Jesus, from Holy Wednesday to Easter Sunday. I was surprised at the intimacy that silence brought me. My co-retreatants and I respected each other's space, although we had some interactions during the sessions and discussions. I went through depths of despair from Good Friday to Holy Saturday, face-to-face with my questions at why Jesus suffered, and lifting up to Him my own heartaches, fears, hopes, and prayers.

We had Salubong on Saturday night and it was tremendously joyful! We had been singing beautiful songs for several days, but they reserved the most festive ones to commemorate Mary's rejoicing at the sight of her Risen Son. Inside, however, I was reluctant to break the silence. I enjoyed the total focus that Jesus and I had on each other. One by one, my co-retreatants met my eyes, smiled at me, and initiated conversations. I met single professionals, married couples, and college students all searching for a deeper encounter with the Lord and all enriched by that time of silence.

There was one song that we listened to during that retreat that struck me. It was love at first hearing. We were given its lyrics and I read in it a conversation with Jesus. The NDV have a Carmelite spirituality and that particular song was especially written, I later learned, for the Carmelites.

Bukas Palad Music Ministry recently recorded the song with an updated arrangement. I bought the tape of the same title (and not the CD, for it's 1/2 the price and anyway I don't have a CD player in my father's car) last Saturday and have been rewinding it to the first song ever since.

The God of Silence

The God of silence beckons me
To journey to my heart
Where He awaits
O Lord, I hear You calling tenderly
To You I come to gaze
At the beauty of Your face I cannot see

To rest in Your embrace I cannot feel
To dwell in Your love hurting but sweet
To be with You; to glimpse eternity

God of night, fount of all my delight.
Show Your light . . . that my heart, like Yours, burn bright.

Be still the torment of the night
Will not encumber you, if you believe
My child this darkness isn't emptiness
For here I mold your heart
Unto My image painfully you long to see

The self you yearn to be, but fear to know
The world from which you flee in Me find home
All these I give you, if you remain in Me

COUNTERPOINT:
I am ever here
My child, you need not fear
The dark will set you free
And bring your heart to Me

CODA:
The God of silence beckons me
To journey to my heart
Where He awaits me.

This song is my prayer these days. I hope I could go on a longer silent retreat now. Eight days, can I make it? I am not scared of the silence anymore. There are new things that I am going through and new revelations are in store, I am certain of that.

I want to journey to my heart where the God of silence awaits me.

Thank you, Bukas Palad, Ma'am Vyva, and Notre Dame de Vie.

Like Sheep Without a Shepherd

Like Sheep Without a Shepherd
Reflections after the ULTRA Stampede

One cannot be a Filipino today and not be affected by images of the tragedy that struck the supposed First Anniversary celebration of a popular TV show on ABS-CBN, “Wowowee”. Thousands of people came to the ULTRA stadium, some of them having camped there as early as Wednesday (three days ago), just to be assured of seats. The show has been garnering viewership because it gives away money, in pesos and dollars (usually from balikbayan Filipinos or those who returned home, either permanently or temporarily, after working abroad and earning dollars). It also features a charismatic but controversial host who is favored by the masses, Willie Revillame, and some sexy dancers.

Seventy-six people (as of the last time I checked on TV) died because of the stampede that occurred a little past 6:00 o’clock in the morning of Saturday, February 04, 2006. Two hundred people were injured. We who woke up to the news could not believe what we saw on TV. Several of our countrymen who went because of the chance to be given money died in just one instant. To their credit, ABS-CBN is doing everything to support the victims’ families. They even cancelled the show, with Vice President Noli de Castro (a part of their ABS-CBN family), ABS-CBN executive Ms. Charo Santos-Concio and Willie himself appearing before the crowd that was left at the ULTRA and explaining that the celebration could not go on while others were suffering. They also cancelled the premiere of Pinoy Celebrity Big Brother, which was another reason why people flocked to the ULTRA.

It was the talk of the town. Everyone was deeply saddened. I had several appointments today and everywhere I went, people were recounting what happened with sadness and disbelief. ABS-CBN has to live up to its marketing strategy of claiming to be the people’s Kapamilya, or part of the Filipino family. Already, the people who were being interviewed on TV were mad at the organizers and the ones who told them to form a line, which incident seemed to have triggered the stampede. Too many people wanted to be in the stadium to watch the show, get hold of the cash, and maybe even catch a glimpse of their favorite stars. A young man who was interviewed said that he still wanted to be an actor. That, after a major tragedy occurred and he was within the vicinity.

Poverty drove our people to subject themselves to hunger for three days just to wait in line for a chance to be a little better off. Poverty drove people to still think of being in show business in the midst of a tragedy in which they were involved.

But poverty is an effect and not a cause. As was highlighted in the orientation I attended this afternoon given by Simbahang Lingkod ng Bayan at the Cardinal Sin Center, Loyola School of Theology at the Ateneo De Manila campus, our country is very rich in natural resources. But we are giving them away, and we are being stripped of our birthright as Filipinos because of corruption and greed that has so permeated our society. One of the speakers said that corruption may not actually be rising, but the people’s consciousness of it is, and so more cases are reported. The political and economic crisis that we are in right now should serve as an impetus, as in Edsa I, for us to wake up. But we are not simply taking to the streets again as a grand solution.

Edsa Revolution, the original, celebrates its 20th year on February 24. I was there. My parents brought all five of us with them and we donated food for the soldiers. We came back a year later to celebrate the first anniversary near Camp Crame. During Edsa Dos, I was there as well with the Lingkod QC brothers and sisters. Both “revolutions” were characterized by unity, peace, and prayer. Apparently, however, they are not enough to effect change in the Philippines.

Everything about me is affected by the tragedy and the underlying crisis that this news brings. As a Christian, a Filipino, a lawyer, an economics graduate, a participant of Edsa I and II, a Lingkod member, an SLB volunteer, and a student of the University of the Philippines for eight years, I sit here in front of my computer and wonder, what can I do?

Because of the busyness of the day, I was only able to read the Mass readings tonight after I got home. I opened my Scripture guide and read words that pierced my heart, for I felt Jesus’ heart pierced even more deeply at the sight of those who died and were hurt today:

From Mark 6:30-34

30 The apostles returned to Jesus, and told him all that they had done and taught. 31 And he said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a lonely place, and rest a while." For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. 32 And they went away in the boat to a lonely place by themselves. 33 Now many saw them going, and knew them, and they ran there on foot from all the towns, and got there ahead of them. 34 As he went ashore he saw a great throng, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and he began to teach them many things.

I was able to connect with Jesus intimately as I read the Gospel for today. If we, sinners that we are, could feel such passion for others, what more the Source of Living Water Himself, who alone could quench our thirst? We are not alone in our fight against poverty, corruption, and hunger in all its forms. Jesus never gets tired of tending after us Filipinos, for we ARE sheep without a shepherd. He has great compassion for us. I felt His compassion for the victims of the ULTRA tragedy. I do not feel helpless anymore. I know that in Christ, there is hope.

The Good News does not end with death, but with life. Jesus teaches us how.