Yes I am, yes I am.
The same girl who wrote the previous posts is also attending the one-week Mandatory Continuing Legal Education (MCLE) Compliance Program being given by the University of the Philippines (U.P.) Law Center Institute of Judicial Administration. The prodigal lawyer is back in her alma mater.
The MCLE is required for members of the Philippine bar, who all have to take 36 units in prescribed courses every compliance period, a cycle of three years. Failure to do so would lead to dire consequences for a lawyer.
For a year and a half, I spent 95% of my time doing non-legal work as I volunteered for a non-stock, non-profit foundation and aside from being corporate secretary, I worked as the National Administrator for Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon. I hardly set foot in the UP College of Law while I was in Lingkod Office.
Last compliance period, I was exempt from the MCLE as I was a court attorney then and as such took the program given by the Philippine Judicial Academy (PHILJA). There were less subjects and hours required. Now I am forced to sit through nine-hour lectures with just a lunch break to look forward to. I cannot bring enough "toys" (gadgets, planners, pocketbooks, etc.) because my "classmates" and I sit in front and I don't want to distract the speakers too much by my movements.
As I am attempting to integrate all the pieces of my life this year- lawyer, Christian, daughter, friend, parishioner, sister, etc. (talk about multiple personalities! No wonder this blog has too many Labels.) - the MCLE more than takes me back in time to a decade ago when I was a law student. Listening to the lectures on different subjects, I cannot help but wonder which field is really for me, where I would make my mark, find my niche, and be considered an expert in someday. I had criminal law background in the Sandiganbayan, corporate law background in the law firm, and a myriad of other interests between those two extremes. In this confused state, I cannot make that decision so easily.
Lawyers network for a living so the first question they ask one another after not being in touch for some time is "Where are you connected now?". Upon learning that I'm not connecting to anything legal (pun intended), they automatically give suggestions as to what I can do - take "junket" trips and short courses given by different foundations and governments, work in law firms, go back to the government, try being in-house counsel, travel the world, get married, etc. I just laugh everything off. If I think too much I would get a headache. It's nice to know there are people who think I have the whole world in my hands, even if I have very seriuos doubts on the matter.
I took a tour of Malcolm Hall last Monday. I visited the Office of Legal Aid, the Law Student Government (LSG) Room, the Student Lounge, and other familiar places. I leaned on one post and prayed to God to please show me how to connect my past to my present and eventually lead me smoothly to my future. They don't make sense right now, all these roles, possibilities, hurts, failures, triumphs, memories, and challenges.
I take it one day at a time. This MCLE week, it is one subject at a time. I leave the future into God's able hands.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Youth Alive! Launching
The Parish of St. Benedict's Youth Alive! is a program of the Missionaries of God's Love. We had our launching last Saturday, January 27, 2007 after the 6 p.m. mass. Around sixty-five youth of all ages, but mostly between 14-21 years old, attended this event.
Who would have known that I would be leading the Chuga Dance in this day and age? The kids said they had so much fun with that action song. Malou and I tried to catch our breath after the many rounds of "Chuga Up" and "Chuga Twist". Then we had games where we asked them, who belonged to different chapels, choirs and ministries, to interact and get to know one another. The youth were most alive when we started praising and worshiping God. It was awesome to sing and pray with them.
Then Fr. Brian gave a talk about "pilgrimage". He said that Youth Alive! has always had a World Youth Day flavor and we in St. Benedict's were no different. He invited the youth to a physical and a spiritual pilgrimage. He discussed the theme for WYD Sydney 2008, which is Acts 1:8, Acts Chapter 1 Verse 8, or Actv8! That's "Activate!" in text lingo, which the Filipino kids arevery familiar with.
The priests and I have always been puzzled at how the teenagers could afford to subscribe to Unlimitxt and send us messages at any time of the day. When I askd them, they said that they set aside a portion of their allowance for this. In my day, if I wanted to stay in touch with my friends, I had to go to their houses. I also used the landline a lot! This is a reminder that I am not so young anymore, I guess.
I happily posed here with Ate Sallie Orbigo, the dynamic woman of Banal na Puso Chapel over at Filinvest Road, and some members of YouthAlive! I would like to thank Fr. Geoffrey Coombe, mgl for taking these photos, and Adam Domingo and Fr. Brian Steele, mgl for uploading them to flickr. You can search flickr for more photos under "youthalive!". Meetings are every fourth Saturday of the month, from 7:30-9:30 p.m.
In this post I'm also launching a new label in this blog called "Parokya ni Ella", in which I will be talking about events and happenings in the Parish of St. Benedict's in Don Antonio Heights, Q.C., where I belong to and serve in the youth ministry. We have Charismatic prayer meetings every Sunday at 10 a.m. I loved reading last Sunday when I served as lector, for the reading assigned to me was 1 Corinthians 13.
Little Angels
They are Miguel and Gabriel, named after two great archangels. In this photo taken at the Our Lady of the Pentecost Parish (OLPP), my nephews Miko and Luigi look their angelic best. Miko had his first communion and Luigi served as a sacristan for the first time. The Bukas Palad Music Ministry sang during the mass held for the Grade Two first communicants from Centro Montessori.
During lunch I interviewed Miko about his experience and found out that he had his First Confession with Fr. Roy Cosca, SJ, the godchild or "inaanak" of my father, and a family friend from Olongapo. Fr. Roy's dad and aunt were our family doctors. Of all the Jesuits, Miko met the only one who had a connection to our family. This gave him a thrill. That's the beautiful thing about children. Everything is a big deal for them. They delight in the littlest details and are very easy to please.
Tita Mel and I went to Little Angel Study Center when we were, well, little. We also looked angelic then and most likely, we were also very easy to please. Now we just look angelic, haha.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Now, I'm Burned Out
A year and a half ago, I read a book the title of which caught my attention at Books for Less. It's entitled "When God Wants You to Rest", written by Flor Ulan-Taylor, a former U.P. professor of Philippine history who became a missionary to Thailand.
While reading the book, I thought that I was thankfully not going through what she was going through. She described a point of being totally exposed - fragile, bitter and vulnerable. It took years to recover from her burnout experience but she lived to tell the tale and thus wrote the book. I was fresh in my volunteer work in Lingkod at the time that I read it and burnout was the last thing on my mind.
Last week, I read the article "Burnout: Prevention and Cure" by Dr. Archibald D. Hart. He said that pastors were most prone to burnout because:
(1) they have not been taught to care for others in the right way;
(2) they care too much out of guilt;
(3) they care too much and feel helpless about providing solutions;
(4) they care too much all of the time; and
(5) they do not care enough about their own self-recovery.
Ouch. I am not a pastor but I could identify with some of those reasons. Then I took the test included in his article, and guess what my score was?
71, his assessment was: You are beginning to experience burnout. Take steps to better control your life.
Of course I didn't need an article to confirm what I was experiencing. I suffered sleepless nights, difficult mornings, lost ambitions, constant headaches, etc. all throughout last year. I did not blog about it everyday because it was too negative and might put people and things I loved in a bad light, when it was not their fault, but mine.
It took Flor Ulan-Taylor around twenty years before she suffered burnout from teaching, counseling and mentoring women. It took me only seven years in Lingkod and one year as a full-time volunteer staffer before I began to experience burnout. I blame this on the fact that I cared too much of what others thought and of problems that were not mine to deal with, and thought too highly of myself, that there was nothing I could not do.
I am taking steps now to better control my life. It frustrates me though when people don't respect the space I asked for, thinking I still derive happiness from being involved in everything related to community. I have tried to explain several times to these brethren that I need some time to recover. The solution to my depression is not additional service; neither is it in jumping to the other end of the spectrum and immersing myself in hard-core corporate law or litigation.
I talked to a missionary friend of mine and he said that he learned through the years that we have to look after ourselves, that when burnout and depression kick in we can't expect others to handle us with care. We have to set our boundaries and not be guilty about seeming to not give or care enough, like we used to.
I saw on ANC one morning an interview with an expert on depression. She clearly described my inner life. I wanted to call the network and ask for her number. She's a stranger, maybe she would understand.
I'm still reading "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World". I'm being described there too in every page. The solutions are on paper but my journey might take a while. At the back of my mind I know that I don't have a job now because I'm not yet ready. It is a blessing in disguise.
While reading the book, I thought that I was thankfully not going through what she was going through. She described a point of being totally exposed - fragile, bitter and vulnerable. It took years to recover from her burnout experience but she lived to tell the tale and thus wrote the book. I was fresh in my volunteer work in Lingkod at the time that I read it and burnout was the last thing on my mind.
Last week, I read the article "Burnout: Prevention and Cure" by Dr. Archibald D. Hart. He said that pastors were most prone to burnout because:
(1) they have not been taught to care for others in the right way;
(2) they care too much out of guilt;
(3) they care too much and feel helpless about providing solutions;
(4) they care too much all of the time; and
(5) they do not care enough about their own self-recovery.
Ouch. I am not a pastor but I could identify with some of those reasons. Then I took the test included in his article, and guess what my score was?
71, his assessment was: You are beginning to experience burnout. Take steps to better control your life.
Of course I didn't need an article to confirm what I was experiencing. I suffered sleepless nights, difficult mornings, lost ambitions, constant headaches, etc. all throughout last year. I did not blog about it everyday because it was too negative and might put people and things I loved in a bad light, when it was not their fault, but mine.
It took Flor Ulan-Taylor around twenty years before she suffered burnout from teaching, counseling and mentoring women. It took me only seven years in Lingkod and one year as a full-time volunteer staffer before I began to experience burnout. I blame this on the fact that I cared too much of what others thought and of problems that were not mine to deal with, and thought too highly of myself, that there was nothing I could not do.
I am taking steps now to better control my life. It frustrates me though when people don't respect the space I asked for, thinking I still derive happiness from being involved in everything related to community. I have tried to explain several times to these brethren that I need some time to recover. The solution to my depression is not additional service; neither is it in jumping to the other end of the spectrum and immersing myself in hard-core corporate law or litigation.
I talked to a missionary friend of mine and he said that he learned through the years that we have to look after ourselves, that when burnout and depression kick in we can't expect others to handle us with care. We have to set our boundaries and not be guilty about seeming to not give or care enough, like we used to.
I saw on ANC one morning an interview with an expert on depression. She clearly described my inner life. I wanted to call the network and ask for her number. She's a stranger, maybe she would understand.
I'm still reading "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World". I'm being described there too in every page. The solutions are on paper but my journey might take a while. At the back of my mind I know that I don't have a job now because I'm not yet ready. It is a blessing in disguise.
Hoping to be a Biblical Scholar
Ok, I got this from Ted, and when I clicked on the link my heart beat so fast. It wasn't just my competitive side, but I wanted to do well sooo much. I'm glad I did take the test. It might not be the Ultimate Quiz, but it sure made me smile after reading this:
You know the Bible 100%!
Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!
Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Something Beyond the Theoretical
Over the years, I have seen some friends who went through months, even years, of joblessness. A few of them even had master’s degrees and double majors from top universities, and yet they each came to a point when nothing just seemed to fit. A sister from my action group in Lingkod shared with us that she was sustained throughout those lean years by God. “He provides for my needs”, Cindy assured us over our worried and sympathetic looks.
I used to wonder at how that worked practically, since manna did not fall from heaven anymore in my generation, and money did not grow from trees as far as my limited experience showed. Bushes didn’t talk anymore, and angels didn’t provide food and water to God’s servants running away from their persecutors. The time of Moses and Elijah belonged to the distant past. As far as I was concerned, flour and oil ran out and their jugs did not miraculously get refilled.
Last Monday, I counted that it had been one month since I resigned from my last job. How am I doing? People are kind enough to ask that. I can say this with conviction: I have moved beyond the theoretical in seeing and realizing the phrase “God will provide”. I am living it out 24/7.
1. God provides through my parents. I have a roof over my head even if I don’t pay rent. I used to berate myself for this, thinking I should get a place of my own already, but now that it’s next to impossible, I am appreciating this blessing. Utilities are paid even as I close my eyes when I hand them the bills from the mailbox. I close my eyes and dream of the day when I would once again be handling the groceries and giving my share for our bills.
2. God provides through my siblings. Even while I was a volunteer missionary, getting around 1/10 of my earning capacity (as a salary expert assessed), which let me just say did not bother me too much as it was part of what I got myself into, I did not need material things because my blood brothers and sisters often sent me things. Bags, perfumes, shirts and stuff came through the door, in balikbayan boxes and packages. They knew what to give me for birthdays and Christmas, too, the much-needed extra cash that I could use, to buy gifts for others!
3. God provides through my friends. I used to be overly sensitive about others paying for my meals, but I had to face my pride head-on and learn to accept my situation. I know it is better to give than to receive, but the time to give shall come, now I receive their offers to buy me lunch, dinner or coffee, as long as it isn’t the same person and I know I’m not abusing their generosity. One friend even described me as a “cheap date” as I always chose the hot drinks at Starbucks over his frappuccinos, and I explained that it was not so much the cost but the calories that I was concerned about. This was so far from the me who used to be regarded as a “high maintenance date”, a title I resented. I have a Starbucks planner mostly earned from friends’ treats and stickers, proof that even little whims are answered if they wouldn’t do me harm.
4. God provides through my community. This happens in countless, unexpected, and wonderful ways. Last night, I attended my last Action Group meeting in Lingkod QC and the sisters gave me an honoring – saying what they appreciated most about me as a sister – through beauty products, for they knew me as a beauty junkie. I got an eyemask because I was described as “relaxing” and an “eye-opener” to the beauty of Scripture study. I got lip gloss because I was said to be a gifted speaker and always shared with wisdom and love. I got a hand sanitizer because I was “clear” in dealing with sisters, quick to point out what needed to be said without beating around the bush; I made them “germ-free” because of loving correction; and “sweet but potent” because I made people laugh during my talks but deep inside I got the message across convincingly. I was surprised at their gifts and how they described me, because having been cooped up in my room for a month I had forgotten who I really was, a daughter of God and a follower of Christ, whom the Holy Spirit could use to share the good news to others.
The QT’s are my second home, for they allow me to live out my love for God. Of course I have to grow in love with another community and another service now (at the “Parokya ni Ella”, as they put it) but as far as committed Christian relationships went, Lingkod brothers and sisters have really seen me through the best and the worst of times. This is just one of them.
5. God provides by transforming me. The difference between “needs” and “wants” was vague to me until I lost all purchasing power in my wallet. Since I still did not trust myself around mall sales, I minimized my stays at the mall, arriving just in time for appointments and not strolling around too much lest the call of the huge discounts wreak havoc on my already precarious finances.
I sit here typing amidst my anxieties and doubts, chasing the blues away by counting my blessings and reminding myself that this too shall pass. Everything belongs to God and He can easily open doors for me. I try to follow His commands and explore job opportunities, but until the matter of my joblessness is addressed with finality, I have to deal with this humbling, learning experience. I often say that money is inversely proportional to time in my world, and ne’er the twain shall meet. Well, I really I hope they do at the right time.
Every single day I try to spend my time wisely by praying earnestly, receiving Communion, doing chores, running errands, pursuing opportunities, meeting old friends, making new ones, taking on service, giving up attachments, and drinking everything in from the Cup that is before me.
I am 32, single, jobless, and extremely blessed. Shudder, shudder. When I say that God provides us in our emptiness, at times in our lives when we have nothing to be proud of – no job, position, relationship, or accomplishment – I now speak from experience and not just from obedience. This is a sink-or-swim situation, and I’m one person who has always loved to swim. As Dory told the clown fish in “Finding Nemo” whenever he felt distressed and hopeless, “Just keep swimmin’… just keep swimmin’…”
What’s even better than swimmin’, on days when the current gets too rough, is the idea of floating and letting the water take me on its normal course. I am consciously aware that Jesus has the best solution, however, for He walks on water! I used to think I was walking towards Him, but I lost my focus and I started this sinking process. I am glad that He provides second chances, and when He calls, I hope to be ready to walk with Him again. For now, I’m practicing listening to His voice and turning to Him for all of my needs, so that I will be stronger against distractions.
Miracles don’t happen in ways we expect them to. Water is not turned into wine the same way it was when Jesus walked the earth. In my life, however, as in the lives of those who have offered everything to the Lord, there are miracle stories that are slowly recognized and appreciated, for they have to do with encouraging me to take one foot in front of the other, to live one day at a time, and to wait with expectant faith and unwavering hope, because God surely provides. Finally, I have seen how He does this in the example of my colorful life.
I used to wonder at how that worked practically, since manna did not fall from heaven anymore in my generation, and money did not grow from trees as far as my limited experience showed. Bushes didn’t talk anymore, and angels didn’t provide food and water to God’s servants running away from their persecutors. The time of Moses and Elijah belonged to the distant past. As far as I was concerned, flour and oil ran out and their jugs did not miraculously get refilled.
Last Monday, I counted that it had been one month since I resigned from my last job. How am I doing? People are kind enough to ask that. I can say this with conviction: I have moved beyond the theoretical in seeing and realizing the phrase “God will provide”. I am living it out 24/7.
1. God provides through my parents. I have a roof over my head even if I don’t pay rent. I used to berate myself for this, thinking I should get a place of my own already, but now that it’s next to impossible, I am appreciating this blessing. Utilities are paid even as I close my eyes when I hand them the bills from the mailbox. I close my eyes and dream of the day when I would once again be handling the groceries and giving my share for our bills.
2. God provides through my siblings. Even while I was a volunteer missionary, getting around 1/10 of my earning capacity (as a salary expert assessed), which let me just say did not bother me too much as it was part of what I got myself into, I did not need material things because my blood brothers and sisters often sent me things. Bags, perfumes, shirts and stuff came through the door, in balikbayan boxes and packages. They knew what to give me for birthdays and Christmas, too, the much-needed extra cash that I could use, to buy gifts for others!
3. God provides through my friends. I used to be overly sensitive about others paying for my meals, but I had to face my pride head-on and learn to accept my situation. I know it is better to give than to receive, but the time to give shall come, now I receive their offers to buy me lunch, dinner or coffee, as long as it isn’t the same person and I know I’m not abusing their generosity. One friend even described me as a “cheap date” as I always chose the hot drinks at Starbucks over his frappuccinos, and I explained that it was not so much the cost but the calories that I was concerned about. This was so far from the me who used to be regarded as a “high maintenance date”, a title I resented. I have a Starbucks planner mostly earned from friends’ treats and stickers, proof that even little whims are answered if they wouldn’t do me harm.
4. God provides through my community. This happens in countless, unexpected, and wonderful ways. Last night, I attended my last Action Group meeting in Lingkod QC and the sisters gave me an honoring – saying what they appreciated most about me as a sister – through beauty products, for they knew me as a beauty junkie. I got an eyemask because I was described as “relaxing” and an “eye-opener” to the beauty of Scripture study. I got lip gloss because I was said to be a gifted speaker and always shared with wisdom and love. I got a hand sanitizer because I was “clear” in dealing with sisters, quick to point out what needed to be said without beating around the bush; I made them “germ-free” because of loving correction; and “sweet but potent” because I made people laugh during my talks but deep inside I got the message across convincingly. I was surprised at their gifts and how they described me, because having been cooped up in my room for a month I had forgotten who I really was, a daughter of God and a follower of Christ, whom the Holy Spirit could use to share the good news to others.
The QT’s are my second home, for they allow me to live out my love for God. Of course I have to grow in love with another community and another service now (at the “Parokya ni Ella”, as they put it) but as far as committed Christian relationships went, Lingkod brothers and sisters have really seen me through the best and the worst of times. This is just one of them.
5. God provides by transforming me. The difference between “needs” and “wants” was vague to me until I lost all purchasing power in my wallet. Since I still did not trust myself around mall sales, I minimized my stays at the mall, arriving just in time for appointments and not strolling around too much lest the call of the huge discounts wreak havoc on my already precarious finances.
I sit here typing amidst my anxieties and doubts, chasing the blues away by counting my blessings and reminding myself that this too shall pass. Everything belongs to God and He can easily open doors for me. I try to follow His commands and explore job opportunities, but until the matter of my joblessness is addressed with finality, I have to deal with this humbling, learning experience. I often say that money is inversely proportional to time in my world, and ne’er the twain shall meet. Well, I really I hope they do at the right time.
Every single day I try to spend my time wisely by praying earnestly, receiving Communion, doing chores, running errands, pursuing opportunities, meeting old friends, making new ones, taking on service, giving up attachments, and drinking everything in from the Cup that is before me.
I am 32, single, jobless, and extremely blessed. Shudder, shudder. When I say that God provides us in our emptiness, at times in our lives when we have nothing to be proud of – no job, position, relationship, or accomplishment – I now speak from experience and not just from obedience. This is a sink-or-swim situation, and I’m one person who has always loved to swim. As Dory told the clown fish in “Finding Nemo” whenever he felt distressed and hopeless, “Just keep swimmin’… just keep swimmin’…”
What’s even better than swimmin’, on days when the current gets too rough, is the idea of floating and letting the water take me on its normal course. I am consciously aware that Jesus has the best solution, however, for He walks on water! I used to think I was walking towards Him, but I lost my focus and I started this sinking process. I am glad that He provides second chances, and when He calls, I hope to be ready to walk with Him again. For now, I’m practicing listening to His voice and turning to Him for all of my needs, so that I will be stronger against distractions.
Miracles don’t happen in ways we expect them to. Water is not turned into wine the same way it was when Jesus walked the earth. In my life, however, as in the lives of those who have offered everything to the Lord, there are miracle stories that are slowly recognized and appreciated, for they have to do with encouraging me to take one foot in front of the other, to live one day at a time, and to wait with expectant faith and unwavering hope, because God surely provides. Finally, I have seen how He does this in the example of my colorful life.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Do-It-Yourself Ella!
I woke up today feeling all the tension in my muscles. I thought about getting a massage but it does not seem practical. I told myself that will be my reward when I get a job. In the meantime, I rub Lander Crystal Ice which also works wonders.
After my prayer time I silently wished once more to go on an individual retreat. I settled for the next best thing, which was to set an appointment at the Cenacle for a session with my spiritual directress. Then I got out of bed.
After my prayer time I silently wished once more to go on an individual retreat. I settled for the next best thing, which was to set an appointment at the Cenacle for a session with my spiritual directress. Then I got out of bed.
That's why when I saw this ad from Daysrping, it caught my eye. "Renew Your Relationship with God This Year", the email said. Then a lovely picture of a gift set featuring a planner, candle, pillow sachet, jotter, calendar, tote bag, magnet set, memo pad, and note folio, all in blue pink and other pastel, relaxing colors, showed me "what I needed". It's from their Rejuvenate Gift Collection. I'm glad these products are not available here in the Philippines otherwise I would be tempted to run to the mall and buy them.
I have several planners, calendras, bags, magnets, pillows and notepads already. I don't really need these now. Interesting how the right colors and words could create the need in the gullible reader's eye. Maybe I could get all the stuff I have and arrange them in a pretty pile as in the picture, then I could rejuvenate all I want in the comfort of my home.
Who needs to spend, when I have books to read, coffee to brew, music to play and video to exercise to right here at home? All I have to do is to stand up and get moving. I'm doing it. I'm standing up. I'm rejuvenating, renewing, relaxing and recharging. You will see a better me the next time I blog. Well, that is my hope.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Lessons are Repeated Until Learned
For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. (Romans 7:15, 18; ESV)
I find myself in this dilemma. With a lot of time for soul-searching, prayer, meditation, and examination of conscience, I am aghast at my propensity, despite all that, to "do what I do not want" and to ignore doing "what is right", whether on matters of sin or even simply on practical things that are good either for me or for others. Yes, I wage war within me about these things on a daily basis. My only hope is the grace that God provides to triumph over sin and weakness.
I have a friend who got injured again while playing badminton last night. I called her up while she was lined up at the E.R., and there she was, writhing in pain and telling me, "I won't stop playing. Yes, I'm stubborn but I won't quit badminton!"
I could only beg her to be more careful and wear protective gear while playing. Last year, she injured her knee after a bad fall, could not walk normally for months, let alone dance which she loved doing. I asked her to go swimming instead or try another sport, that which I could do with her (as I don't play -- a rare Filipina who cannot play badminton, that's me).
I realized I'm a lot like her in that I know what's good for me but sometimes I insist on what I want. So maybe badminton is not a perfect analogy, for it's not "bad for her", and her lesson is not to quit but perhaps to be "less intense", in her own words. Whatever it is, for her own sake I hope she learns the lesson so that this will be her last injury.
As for me, I hope to learn my lessons too so that I don't keep injuring myself or others when I engage in things I love doing, or at least have a compulsion to do, like volunteer work. As I explore another community and open my heart to new possibilities, may I wear protective gear and be less intense, this time. Protective gear was already described in Ephesians 6 and I will look it up after posting this.
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. (Romans 7:15, 18; ESV)
I find myself in this dilemma. With a lot of time for soul-searching, prayer, meditation, and examination of conscience, I am aghast at my propensity, despite all that, to "do what I do not want" and to ignore doing "what is right", whether on matters of sin or even simply on practical things that are good either for me or for others. Yes, I wage war within me about these things on a daily basis. My only hope is the grace that God provides to triumph over sin and weakness.
I have a friend who got injured again while playing badminton last night. I called her up while she was lined up at the E.R., and there she was, writhing in pain and telling me, "I won't stop playing. Yes, I'm stubborn but I won't quit badminton!"
I could only beg her to be more careful and wear protective gear while playing. Last year, she injured her knee after a bad fall, could not walk normally for months, let alone dance which she loved doing. I asked her to go swimming instead or try another sport, that which I could do with her (as I don't play -- a rare Filipina who cannot play badminton, that's me).
I realized I'm a lot like her in that I know what's good for me but sometimes I insist on what I want. So maybe badminton is not a perfect analogy, for it's not "bad for her", and her lesson is not to quit but perhaps to be "less intense", in her own words. Whatever it is, for her own sake I hope she learns the lesson so that this will be her last injury.
As for me, I hope to learn my lessons too so that I don't keep injuring myself or others when I engage in things I love doing, or at least have a compulsion to do, like volunteer work. As I explore another community and open my heart to new possibilities, may I wear protective gear and be less intense, this time. Protective gear was already described in Ephesians 6 and I will look it up after posting this.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Phones, Parties, Photos, Prayers for 2007
This is the iPhone. I forgot to upload this photo in my previous post about it. Mama said its price is in the neighborhood of the worth of my preciousss 6600 when it first came out in the market. She believes I could find the job in time for the Philippine release of the iPhone next year. Anyway the nokia is three years old. Time for an upgrade. I think Mama is trying to motivate me, too. I wonder how long they could tolerate me hanging around the house too much before they force me to fly from the nest.
What's a girl to do? I have less responsibilities than before. I'm able to attend birthday parties now. This photo was from Tina's party. She invited the QTs Marlon, Darleth, Ella, Leah, Abby, Imee, and Lorie who are in this picture, and a few others who couldn't fit around the dessert table. It was a night of fun and laughter.
Tina's mom served wonderful food. It was the best homemade rhum cake we'd ever tasted, and she served it with vanilla ice cream. The great food helped set the mood for an interesting honoring for Tina. God does have great plans for that sister. I'm amazed to sit back and watch His hand moving hearts in Lingkod QC. I know it will always be in good hands.
Last night I was at Joseph's birthday party. Joseph is from the Banal na Puso choir. It was a fabulous party full of games, songs, food and drinks. I was moved by the simplicity and generosity of the Francisco family who welcomed us into their home and entertained us so well.
My circle of friends is growing, too. I now have textmates in their pre-teens, from the choir. I don't always understand their text lingo but it sure is fun to hang out with them. We were all together before the 2006 ended, at a swimming party exclusively hosted for them. I served as tagabantay as I was too sick to swim. Still, hearing them sing about going to World Youth Day '08 (Someday we'll know if Posh can go to 'Stralia) and strolling around the mini-zoo with them was time well spent.
Since the year started, I've been to a baptism, a funeral, and a house blessing. I go to daily mass and meet friends for coffee. These are the things I used to not be able to attend or even if I could be present, savor, due to my busy overlapping schedule. But now that I'm slowing down, every invitation and the relationship that goes with it seems sweeter.
I accepted a new service last night. I hope to learn from past mistakes. As the Second Reading for today states, we have different gifts from the same spirit, and each is given according to God's purpose. I have to recognize my limits, without compromising generosity. I didn't plan this but then, this doesn't seem to be a year of planning for me. So far it has been full of surprises. I've made some new friends, while the old have stuck with me throughout the many changes in life.
My relatives will come visit us this year, one couple each month, that our house is beginning to appear like a bed-and-breakfast with airport transfers and a service phone to boot. My immediate family is also planning a reunion, and praying that we be complete, in the last quarter of the year.
Yes, I will not focus on projects this year. It will be about realizing dreams I never knew I had, and discovering answered prayers I long stopped asking for. Jesus can make miracles in my life just as when He transformed water into the best wine in today's Gospel. I saw how He knows what I need and fills my empty heart with His love. I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. No fairy dust or magic ring could take me there, but only the light that Jesus' love brings.
Point of Grace has a song that I sing in my head these days. It's from the album "The Mercy Project" and it speaks about the hope that's building in my heart.
Point of Grace
Hey, I can see all your dreams
Lying scattered in your fragile heart
You think your world's come apart
But hey, I believe there's gonna be
A brighter day that shines for you my friend
It's waiting around the bend
You've been dancing on the wire
Walking through the fire
Thinking you're all alone
But you're not on your own
There's a faithful hand to guide you
God will always be beside you
All because he is love
And love won't leave you now
So fly, on the wings of your dreams
To the places he is taking you
You're gonna make it through
And, if you doubt just think about
All the promises that he has made
You don't have to be afraid
Through the smiles, through the sorrow
He was faithful yesterday, and he'll be faithful tomorrow.
You've been dancing on the wire
Walking through the fire
Thinking you're all alone
But you're not on your own
There's a faithful hand to guide you
God will always be beside you
All because he is love
And love won't leave you now.
All because he is love
And love won't leave you now.
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