Sunday, September 16, 2012

Words and Music

Ugh. Major post-blog regret.  Oh, well.  Sorry for the hormone-induced drama last time.  I will try to tone down the diva in the future.

I am still here, waiting. Despondent; at times, desperate. I was inspired to write by Shakespeare tonight, and moved by the music of the Phantom of the Opera. Will such masterpieces move me to create my own?

Shakespeare I encountered through the movie "Anonymous", which should have a better title.  I am not a good student of history, so I cannot contest its plot.  But I once more saw the importance of Shakespeare's work and how it shaped the English language.  Words, coming from a man, remembered for centuries.  The pen is mightier than the sword indeed.

The Phantom, which I am not a fan of, I decided to listen to because everyone in Manila is talking about it.  I had seen it before, famously slept through it to the chagrin of my friend who had to pinch me and remind me that I was in Las Vegas and wasting my discounted ticket to one of the world's most beloved musicals. I was exhausted from working all week and did not particularly like the music.  I know.  I am weird.

Music.  I conducted choir practice the other night, and felt like a dismal failure.  I could not play the keyboards the way I wanted to.  Not anymore.  I had to do it for a good friend, though.  Last night, I visited another choir practice, but only as an observer.  I did not sing.  I did not teach a note.  I did not play the piano.  Being so detached, I did not seem to be myself anymore.

Much has changed, but I hope that I have not lost what had been given to me: the gift of words and the gift of music.  And if I have, that it is not too late for me to recover them.

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

When Life Seems Like a Disaster Movie

There are times when I feel like I am the star of my own film; only it is a disaster movie and not a romantic comedy.

The rains, the floods, the traffic jams, the failures, the rejections, the losses, the misses - they all seem so real and so persistent. And God seems silent, probably busy with someone else's perfect life, where they have all the sunshine and laughter that are so absent in mine.

And nobody will rescue me.  I mean, no human being will physically throw a rope or carry me.  I have to figure out how to get away from the erupting volcano, the flowing lava, the enveloping tsunami.  I need super powers: invisibility, invincibility. I need to fly safely to a land flowing with milk and honey.

Maybe help was sent already, but I didn't see it.  I tried to wait and look.

I am waiting for another storm to pass. It is a bumpy ride right now. Closing my eyes won't help me out of my vertigo.  I need to open them and to look around me.

I need a better scriptwriter.  The old words do not stick anymore.