Phinx @ Antonio's

With Angels Gabriel and Miguel

Miko's Turn

It's Miko's turn. If you've ever been around kids, you'd know that they
absolutely have to take turns in everything - playing with the new toy,
getting your attention, sitting on your lap - and since I wrote about Luigi a
couple of weeks ago, I'm writing about Miko, my younger nephew, today.

MIko and I had a Kodak moment last Sunday. I could not convince my family to
go to the mall to watch Spiderman 2 with me because it was a rainy day and
everyone felt like staying indoors. I was about to sleep away the afternoon
when my Kuya, Miko's dad, arrived waving a good-quality DVD copy of the movie
I almost failed to see. :)

Miko complained loudly because he was watching Garfield the movie (another
pirated copy, geez, where do these things come from?) for the tenth time when
we took over the DVD player. He was constrained to endure the movie with all
of us. Like any self-respecting five-year old, he refused to take his
afternoon nap and planted himself firmly on my lap, occasionally whispering
to me that he'd rather watch Garfield. Apparently, Miko and his family had
already seen a VCD copy of Spiderman 2 so he wasn't so interested in the
movie anymore.

I was engrossed in the movie though and tried not to pay attention to the
little boy who was purring and stretching like a cat to block my view. I
wanted to e-mail Peter Parker that the First Commandment in doing your
laundry was to separate the colored clothes from the whites! I nodded my
head in agreement to the doctor's most logical line in the movie, that
something as big as Love shouldn't be hidden. I felt for Spiderman as he
seemed to lose his powers.

And then, a scene unfolded, starting with a song. "Raindrops keep fallin on
my head..." I sang along. Miko suddenly sat properly and stared at me,
listening intently at my "wronglyrics.com" version of the song. Afterwards,
he held my face between his small hands and forced me to repeat the song in
slow motion so he could sing along with me. "It's a beautiful song, Tita
Ella!" I agreed, and told him that it was appropriate as it was raining
outside.

"Really?" he asked, jumping to his feet and running barefoot to open the
door and check if I was telling the truth. "It's true, raindrops are
falling, Tita Ella!" We had to restrain him from allowing the raindrops to
fall on his head, though. I was glad for his momentary distraction that
allowed me a full view of the TV screen.

When he returned to the couch, he was determined to learn the song. I was
determined, however, to wait for the hero in Peter Parker to come to his
senses. As soon as the movie ended, Miko got the remote control and searched
for the scene containing his new favorite song. Yes, the pre-schooler knows
how to work the DVD player much better than his grandparents.

His passion didn't end there. He led me by the hand to the piano and asked
me to play it. I played the melody on my right hand, but he wasn't satisfied
and instructed me to study the song so that when he came back next week, I
could play it with BOTH hands.

I had Last Song Syndrome (LSS) long after Miko was in his home last Sunday.
When I checked the lyrics, I confirmed that this was really a bright and
cheery song! Just like Spiderman, Miko and I won't let raindrops get us
down. Cryin's not for me 'coz I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin',
because I'm free. Nothin's worryin' me. :)

Artist: B.J. Thomas Lyrics
Song: Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head Lyrics

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

[trumpet]

It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

So Young

Chasin' the moon, running wild and free; Following through every dream and every need. It didn't matter that we didn't eat. It didn't matter that we didn't sleep. I used to sing along with The Corrs: "Coz we are so young now, we are so young, so young now/ And when tommorow comes, we can do it all again..."


As a child, I only got sick once a year, usually around the rainy season in July. Otherwise I had perfect attendance in school. I used to be able to survive non-stop kuwentuhan during high school sleep-overs, and go straight to 7a.m. class afterwards. Since I hated my Economics subjects in College, I just studied for exams overnight and then took them the next day, running on coffee and Lipovitan. I used to attend all-night parties and "study groups" in law school and still be able to make it to class, sometimes even surprising the professors by being able to recite cases or laws coherently. As a fresh law firm associate, I used to skip meals just to meet deadlines and work straight til midnight running on adrenaline and pressure. And in my early days in Lingkod, I used to go home at 2 a.m. on weekdays, go to work, and still be a nice person to be around with.

My days of irregular eating and sleeping habits seem to be over, though. Not one but three doctors this year have reminded me that what triggers my migraine and vertigo, and what makes me prone to coughs and flu, are the following: coffee (anything with caffein, including tea and softdrinks), chocolates, and cheese. I should also avoid stress. I should also have a regular bedtime and stick to it. I've been drinking coffee since I was eight years old, and have been a night owl for as long as I can remember. I'm guilty of all these because of my lifestyle choices.

Just thinking of the workload I left behind while on sick leave stressed me out already. And I have yet to think of a way to be with Lingkod QC and not stay up late. Of course my family is nagging me about service, that I should give it up. I believe, however, that nothing is impossible with God. I shall not be stubborn, I shall try to substantially comply with the doctor's orders, but I think to give up service altogether is out of the question at this point. For when I am weak, then I am strong. This also means I should start delegating more, and planning for my upcoming turnover of service. :)

Love for a Child

It's Luigi's 7th birthday on July 13. Luigi is my first nephew by my
sibling, so he holds a special place in my heart. Miko, the second, holds
the special place of being the youngest, kasi dalawa lang sila. I'll write
about Miko some other time, for his antics require a book.

A couple of weeks ago I had the bright idea of asking Luigi, during
family dinner, what he would like as a gift for his birthday. He didn't
answer me right away as he concentrated on his fried chicken first. I forgot
about my question as several conversations were going on simultaneously at
the table, typical of our family dinners, until I heard a small voice calling
me from the other end of the table.

"Tita Ella, can I tell you a secret?" asked Luigi over the din of voices
surrounding us. I hadn't finished my ebi tempura yet so I thought I'd ask
him his secret from where I was sitting. I said, "Yes Luigi, what is the
secret? You can tell me now."

Luigi looked at his parents, grandparents, tito and titas, before
returning his gaze at me and saying softly, "Do you have lots of money?"

At this point all conversations came to a halt, and all ears were on the
six-year old as he obviously had something important to say. I tried to keep
a straight face and told him that having lots of money is relative, so he
should tell me what it was for then we'd know if I had enough money.

He said, "Tita Ella, I want something for my birthday but only if you have
lots of money. Because I want a reaalllly expensive toy."

"Hala ka Tita Ella", teased my brother, the precocious boy's dad.
Everyone was laughing now because the little boy had me on the spot!

My curiosity took over and I asked him what, specifically, it was that
he wanted. "It's a Power Rangers set, and daddy said it's expensive, but I
really want it. Please, please Tita Ella? You asked me what gift I wanted.
This is what I want."

I needed help at this point, so I looked at my parents, and then at
Luigi's parents. When I learned how much exactly I needed to raise, I
couldn't help but laugh out loud. I said, "No, Luigi, this Tita does not
have lots of money. Is it ok if I give you another gift instead? Can I give
you a book?"

His eyes started to shine and I knew that his tears were about to
trickle, but I couldn't give in. First of all, I couldn't afford it. And
even if I could, I didn't believe he should get used to getting such
expensive toys. Thank God I couldn't afford it pala. :)

Apparently, I wasn't alone in having such opinion. I discussed it with
the rest of the family, because if we pooled our resources together we could
probably give Luigi that power rangers toy of his dreams. BUT, we know that
he has a roomful of toys already, and this is no exaggeration, for he has
several ninangs and titas all over the world. He would love that toy but
only until the next one comes along, or until Cartoon Network tells him of
the next must-have for kids. We didn't want that for Luigi. He needed
clothes, shoes, and yes, books.

His heart broke when we took turns explaining to him that this time we
couldn't give him his dream toy. My heart broke and part of me wanted to
think of a way to indulge my nephew, but love took over and I knew that we
were doing the right thing.

I think of this and I think how much more God's heart breaks everytime
we cry over some must-have toy that He seems to deny us of. I wonder how
many times my tampos and tantrums hurt my heavenly Father, who must want only
what's best for me. I've asked him lots of times, "You own the universe, why
can't you grant me this teeny request? I've been a good girl! I've been
praying hard for this. Please, God please?"

He gives me food, shelter, clothing, education, job, family, friends,
community, and all the things that I need. Once in a while, He gives in to
my trivial requests. At His perfect time, He showers me with earth-shaking
blessings. When Jesus said that we should be as children, I must have taken
it to heart. :)

May we all learn to rejoice in the love that surrounds us and to always
have an attitude of gratitude. :)

Parang Good Boy

Miko Hugging Mushu

New Room

Luigi Squeezing Sponge Bob

Memoirs of a Five-Year Old

Memoirs of a Five-Year Old
On the Occasion of Lingkod QC's Fourth Anniversary

I met a wise old priest who taught us to treasure our memories as they are the scenes we remember because they are the ones that made the most impact in our hearts. Some of my memories might not have significance on the currentstate of the nation, but they have made my heart smile and have surfaced this month on the occasion of our branch anniversary.

I have been around Lingkod QC for five years now, even though during thatfirst year we didn't call ourselves Lingkod yet. I was by invited by Alett,my former AGL, to join a group of fellow UP Christ's Youth In Action (CYA) alumni who loved to come together to pray. It was an answered prayeractually, as being a bar reviewee, I couldn't find the time to attend prayer meetings in the existing Lingkod branches at that time, yet I had a yearning deep within me for God's love in a way I knew could only be experienced through a community.

The leaders in our campus community were the same ones who spearheaded thissmall group so I felt right at home. We sang songs, prayed aloud, and sharedburdens. It was my little piece of heaven every Friday. We celebratedbirthdays and promotions like a family. We prayed over those who wereassigned abroad (we prayed over Rocky a lot then!). We spent Fridayfellowships at Dimsum n' Dumplings for their buy-one-take-one promo and fortheir extensive choices for Lenten fare. We listened to Bobby and Rocky as they led the weekly prayer meetings and hosted the evening entertainmentthrough their alter egos, Kuya Butch and Tito Boy. We had sisters Jeng, Jeni and Ria who played in the music min and a one-woman secretariat in Mirac. We learned from personal testimonies of God's goodness to Tere, Gakky, Jun M.,Pom, and other brothers and sisters. Rommel, Tess and Liz became MusicMinisters One, Two and Three. These people taught me much of what I know nowabout building community.

Back when driving was just a dream for me, brothers Hanzel and JunMangalindan alternated in bringing me and the other sisters home. The community's unconditional love helped me survive bar failure and its consequences. At the close of 1999, Bobby led us into a period ofdiscernment about God's plans. If it were up to us, we would probably have enjoyed the familiar and the comfortable, flip-flopping as friends and lovers of prayer. God's call to become Lingkod QC became clear after a talk with Francis at McDonald's, and we tried to find out what this creature called Lingkod was.

We held our first Crossroads and CLP. We took the Way of Life talkstogether, learning the culture of Lingkod from leaders of other branches. Wehad our first Commitment Night at Sterten Rooftop. We sent three delegatesto the NLTC in 2000. We found our identity by reaching out to men and womenwho graduated from different universities and who worked in various officeswithin Metro Manila.

I remember being asked on the spot to be a DGL, and lo and behold the sisterI prayed over lost her father in a few weeks' time. That was Yves, and Iwitnessed through her the support of community through the worst kind of pain.

We noticed how talent seemed to grow on trees, with the likes of Sunday, AlanSilayan, Nik, Karreen, Ria, Mercy, and every QT being able to sing, dance,and/or play a musical instrument. Lingkod QC Exposed! was born, the firsttalents night that saw boy bands and guitar solos mixed with funny skits and sensational dances. There was something vibrant and special in the air andit was infectious! Lingkod QC continued to soar on eagle's wings.

I could detail the past years of our existence and use up your time, but everything boils down to one thing – God's Amazing Grace. Throughfour (or five) years of such seemingly insurmountable challenges in family,career, service and lovelife, we saw God's victorious right hand. We not only survived, we triumphed. Evangelistic activities increased our number. Integration Days and parties brought us closer than ever. Kapit kapatid, wesaid. We saw old members moving forward and new leaders stepping up. We were officially installed as a branch. We could not have done anything had the Lord not been there with us with every step.

The latest testimony of the Lord's faithfulness summarizes it all – the Unity Games, where we as children were made strong in Christ Jesus, and relied onGod for everything. Creativity was squeezed, relationships were tested, and our commitment was challenged yet through it all we saw our Father's love, not just for us but for the entire Lingkod in Luzon.

As the reading for today goes, "What persecutions I endured! Yet the Lordrescued me from all of them." (2 Tim 3:11b)

Happy, happy anniversary, brothers and sisters in Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon-Quezon City. May we all rejoice in Stepping Fourward to the land that God has promised us. See you tonight as we celebrate our First Friday and Anniversary Mass.

The beautiful LingkodQC 4th Anniversary Logo

An Attempt to Reflect on God's Nature

"_You act as if you do not know Me._ " I often hear this from God, spoken before I open doors with dread or after I exhaust myself from self-pity. Continually, too, I hear him whispering literal words of love to me but I ignore His voice, brushing it off as another figment of my infamously creative imagination. I have heard pain from Jesus' voice, for as I cry I feel Him crying with me, wondering why I refuse to see the Answer to all my worries - His abundant, steadfast love.

Some authors tell me that God doesn't want us to be miserable, anxious, or burdened. If we feel any of these then something must be wrong with our concept of God. I know this for a fact, that at this point I still have a distorted image of God, influenced by my stubborn fears cultivated since childhood. It's a huge blessing then that as God's servants, nay, as His friends, God reveals Himself to us. The Bible is teeming with words that define God's nature. I picked out one passage that comes up frequently during my prayer time. Psalm 103:8 says: "The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." While listening to an a capella Jesuit music CD, I sat down this afternoon to attempt to meditate upon these qualities of the Lord, believing fully well that my attitude towards my life would change if only I would deepen my knowledge of God.

1. "The Lord is merciful." I have only begun to scratch the surface of God's merciful nature. Rick Warren, author of "The Purpose-Driven Life", says that if we had unpleasable teachers or parents while growing up, we should not think that God is like that to us. I must have related to persons in authority with fear all my life, for even with God I get panic attacks if I know that I have given in too often to my weaknesses. I act as if I don't know Him. I act as if His mercies are not new and fresh every morning. I carry so much emotional baggage, so much guilt, and I refuse to let go of them thinking I deserve punishment for giving in to temptation. Yes, I am my own judge, jury and executioner. Yet every time I run to Him for Reconciliation, I discover that the only sacrifice He asks of me is the unconditional offering of my heart, to join His waiting heart.

2. "The Lord is gracious". We all know that we should not define a word by the same word, yet when I consulted the dictionary, "gracious" is defined as "possessing divine grace". The definition seemed redundant and not as precise as I needed it to be. Perhaps there is no other way to describe grace as it is wholly attributed to God alone. In "What's So Amazing About Grace?", Philip Yancey devotes a whole book to this most wonderful of divine gifts, the root word of gracious. His is the scholarly approach, mine springs from the little that I understand of grace. What it is supposed to mean now as I munch on this verse is that the Lord possess the compassion, the graciousness, the openness that we hungry souls need. It means to me that if only I'd take a deeper look at God, I would not be afraid of Him, for I would see kindness in His eyes, and this, no matter how lazy or selfish I have been. They say a housewife is gracious if she welcomes her guests into her home with warm food and provides them with a comfortable place to sleep at night without asking for anything in return. They say a woman is gracious when, despite her pain and her burdens, she gives of herself, she loves those who hurt her and smiles as if the pain makes her joy sweeter. Perhaps when applied to God graciousness means more, infinitely more.

3. "The Lord is slow to anger". Now I would get more personal, if that were possible. For anger, I know well. I have been exposed to a lot of anger as a child, and even now in my profession. It is a feeling I have also harbored in my heart. I battle with my temper as I know I shouldn't let it consume me and make me forget who I am - a child of God. Since I come from a family with a low boiling temperature, I've always perceived God to be that way also. Yet the psalmist says that He is the opposite, that He does not anger easily. Scripture tells of how God had held back His anger towards His people even if they repeatedly turned their backs on Him and probably deserved annihilation. So in dealing with me, God does not keep a record of wrongs and He does not send down lightning to obliterate me when I disobey Him. This is not so easy for me to grasp. To me it's still an immediate action-reaction equation, forgetting that God's ways are not our ways. I still need to learn that sin does not bring about an equivalent punishment; nor does disobedience merit rebuke at all times. I see a long winding road ahead of me, marred only by my misconceptions and views of this strange yet loving God.

4. "The Lord is abounding in steadfast love". Abounding. Steadfast. Love. Honestly I cannot wrap my brain around God's love for me. Yes I speak about it and witness it, but it is not a concept that I have exhausted to the maximum. Here is the verse telling me that not only does God love me, His love is also abundant and steadfast. God's love flows like an endless fountain so that if I choose to drink from it now I could never exhaust it. God's Love is such that no matter how many times I reject Him, He would wait with open arms, like a father to a prodigal daughter. Why do you love me, Lord? Why? In one of our prayer meetings, Ted prophesied that for God, we do not need to understand His love, all we have to do is just to accept it. What often perplexes me and leads to a dead end is the nagging thought that I don't deserve to be loved personally by this Creator, Savior, Redeemer, Master, Teacher. What have I done to deserve even an iota of that fountain of love? Nothing. His Love so freely and lavishly given exists and is ours for the taking. I have walked around this Love. I have inspected it, reduced it to microscopic proportions, extrapolated on it in countless essays, and yet I am still mightily confounded by this Lover and His love for me. Again, my reflections are not new.

Several souls from agest past have already gazed at the heavens and raised these very same questions to God. I take comfort in these psalmists, saints, songwriters, priests, and friends who share my spiritual journey and who have left behind lamp posts so I don't always grope in the dark. I am so very far from knowing my God. My soul is thankful, however, for significant little insights that give me enough light for the step I am on. I close this very long reflection with another Jesuit song, with words from Psalm 139, a psalm every child of God must have sung to Him at one moment in their lives, at which time they have temporarily glimpsed who God is, and which helped them to accept what they could not understand.

You Are Near -
Music and Lyric by Dan Schutte S.J.
adapted from Psalm 139

Yahweh I know You are near
Standing always by my side
You guard me from the foe
And you lead me in ways everlasting

Lord you have searched my heart
And You know when I sit and when I stand
Your hand is upon me
Protecting me from death
Keeping me from harm

Where can I run from Your love
If I climb to the heavens You are there
If I fly to the sunrise
Or sail beyond the sea
You would still be there

You know my heart and its ways
You who formed me before I was born
In the secret of darkness
Before I saw the sun
In my mother’s womb

Marvelous to me are Your works
How profound are Your thoughts my Lord
Even if I could count them
They number as the stars
You would still be there