Sunday, July 30, 2006
In Good Company
What a Happy Birthday! Seated from L: Fr. Brian, Tess, me, Fr. Geoffrey, and Tina. Standing: Fr. Steve and Ted.
High School Rock
Friends since high school - Ella, Abi, Glecy, Paully, Mhel, her husband Paul, Cyrill and her family Butch, Clarisse and Pia
The Family. My Family.
Ella, Papa, Mama, Ate Lani, Miko, Luigi, Kuya Dan, and Peeya. Didn't notice that my father and I wore the same-colored tops.
Purple Carnations
My purple carnations. They were pink but then it got so cold... they turned purple! Seriously, my friend said she got these carnations' color custom-made. How did they do that? I don't know, but apparently, Annabel's can.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Co-conspirator No. 1: Gay
She knock-knocked her way into this one but gave me a warm fuzzy honoring afterwards. I've noticed that in every honoring, somebody always spoils the surprise. I tried to ignore the signs, but they were all there, so I brought my camera and wore pink, just in case. Hehehe!
Co-Conspirator No. 2: Leah
With Leah and Ted, still at BCI after the GMMACQ Men's and Women's Night. Leah, to make sure I would attend the fellowship.honoring, pretended she needed to consult me about something after the prayer meeting. But she texted me Tuesday, and could have consulted me then, couldn't she?
Our smiles hardly showed that we had just braved rains and traffic and had not yet finished our dinner, and it was already close to midnight. What started as a nightmarish night for me (getting stuck in horrendous traffic and missing 90% of the prayer meeting) still turned out to be a memorable night, for my love tank was filled by the brothers and sisters from Lingkod QC, National Office, Makati and Marikina who came to BCI.
Co-conspirator No. 3: Tess
With Tess at the Bacolod Chicken Inasal function room, a Lingkod favorite venue. She was about to give me my honoring during the surprise party they threw for me. I get surprised every year! But she happened to use Leah's exact same line, that she needed to spend time with me right after the sisters' prayer meeting. Hmm I smelled something not fishy, but nice.
Friday, July 28, 2006
The Present
I received an early birthday gift from Adam. He created a website for the POSH. He's half my age and he makes wonderful websites. Please visit The POSH and sign our guestbook!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Now Playing: I Offer My Life
I was sitting alone at one of the back pews of the church after a very long day in a very long week of a very long month. The priest’s homily was typical, at least, I’ve come to know that he has a theme that underlies each and every homily or reflection that he writes, and that is to instill in the minds and hearts of his readers/ parishioners that we should all take up our cross and follow Jesus, and it won’t be a bed of roses but it sure is the road to fulfilling our mission and seeing God face to face in heaven.
I once asked him, “Fr. Steve, how come you always talk and write about the hardships of Christ’s followers? Why don’t you give some air time to the blessings and joys of discipleship?” I asked that because that was what I thought I needed to hear. He replied, “Because that’s what everyone else is talking about, and what everyone wants to hear. Sure God wants to bless us but if we focus on being comfortable, we lose sight of the true meaning of discipleship. Someone has to speak that truth.”
So there I was, silently uttering praises and thanks to the Lord at mass for He had been with me, like He promised, as I struggled through my conflicting desires and juggled overlapping responsibilities on a daily basis. When the offertory came, the song was just “Take and Receive” but it struck a chord deep within me, and I found myself crying… alone… in a church packed with mass-goers.
I tried to do the trick that my friend Lysa from Viva Entertainment (whose birthday is July 25, happy birthday Lysa dear!) taught me: to look up before the tears fall and to wait a few seconds, then to look down and make a wide smile. It didn’t work. I couldn’t fight the tears streaming down my face, because I remembered how far the Lord and I had gone. He had been asking, and I had been saying “yes”, ever since I committed my life to Him in October 1993. Every command and direction that He gave me, I obeyed, even if it cost me to cut off my arm and to writhe in pain. As our former National Women’s Moderator Ate My put it, I often complained to God but eventually I always obeyed Him.
His latest mission for me was proving to be very challenging and I had to go back to Him for whom I made the promise of serving with my all, and steer my thoughts away from trying to please people and to accomplish my plans. After the mass, one of the kids who took the LSS last year approached me and asked, “Ate Ella, are you ok? You look sad.” I explained that I shed tears of joy, and expressed surprised at how transparent I was to her. I realized later that it was because she just graduated from Clinical Psychology!
The night before, I was at the Lingkod Makati anniversary, and I cried at an “offertory” song too, “I Offer My Life”, as performed by the Middle C band during their very memorable worship concert. It happened to be one of the cuts from the soundtrack of my life. It was so associated with me back in the day that during the first (and the best) surprise birthday honoring that the QT’s concocted for me in 2001, they sang that song.
It really captures what my heart is saying at the moment, as I’m about to turn a year older (againnnn!) and also about to celebrate my first year in the Lingkod National Office. It reflects who gave me this life and how difficult it is, and how joyful, to give it all back to Him, not in pieces but as a whole. It speaks of pain and acclaim; and of wishes and dreams that are yet to come true; and of offering this one life because broken as it is, it is all I can offer, and surprisingly, all that He wants from me.
So really, this is what I wanted to say:
I Offer My Life
Don Moen
All that I am, all that I have,
I lay them down before You O Lord.
All my regrets, all my acclaim,
The joy and the pain,
I’m making them yours.
Refrain:
Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for Your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord, I offer You my life.
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true.
All of my hopes, all of my plans,
My heart and my hands are lifted to You.
Repeat Refrain
Bridge:
What can we give that You have not given
And what do we have that is not already Yours?
All we possess are these lives we’re living
And that’s what we give to you, Lord
Repeat Refrain
I once asked him, “Fr. Steve, how come you always talk and write about the hardships of Christ’s followers? Why don’t you give some air time to the blessings and joys of discipleship?” I asked that because that was what I thought I needed to hear. He replied, “Because that’s what everyone else is talking about, and what everyone wants to hear. Sure God wants to bless us but if we focus on being comfortable, we lose sight of the true meaning of discipleship. Someone has to speak that truth.”
So there I was, silently uttering praises and thanks to the Lord at mass for He had been with me, like He promised, as I struggled through my conflicting desires and juggled overlapping responsibilities on a daily basis. When the offertory came, the song was just “Take and Receive” but it struck a chord deep within me, and I found myself crying… alone… in a church packed with mass-goers.
I tried to do the trick that my friend Lysa from Viva Entertainment (whose birthday is July 25, happy birthday Lysa dear!) taught me: to look up before the tears fall and to wait a few seconds, then to look down and make a wide smile. It didn’t work. I couldn’t fight the tears streaming down my face, because I remembered how far the Lord and I had gone. He had been asking, and I had been saying “yes”, ever since I committed my life to Him in October 1993. Every command and direction that He gave me, I obeyed, even if it cost me to cut off my arm and to writhe in pain. As our former National Women’s Moderator Ate My put it, I often complained to God but eventually I always obeyed Him.
His latest mission for me was proving to be very challenging and I had to go back to Him for whom I made the promise of serving with my all, and steer my thoughts away from trying to please people and to accomplish my plans. After the mass, one of the kids who took the LSS last year approached me and asked, “Ate Ella, are you ok? You look sad.” I explained that I shed tears of joy, and expressed surprised at how transparent I was to her. I realized later that it was because she just graduated from Clinical Psychology!
The night before, I was at the Lingkod Makati anniversary, and I cried at an “offertory” song too, “I Offer My Life”, as performed by the Middle C band during their very memorable worship concert. It happened to be one of the cuts from the soundtrack of my life. It was so associated with me back in the day that during the first (and the best) surprise birthday honoring that the QT’s concocted for me in 2001, they sang that song.
It really captures what my heart is saying at the moment, as I’m about to turn a year older (againnnn!) and also about to celebrate my first year in the Lingkod National Office. It reflects who gave me this life and how difficult it is, and how joyful, to give it all back to Him, not in pieces but as a whole. It speaks of pain and acclaim; and of wishes and dreams that are yet to come true; and of offering this one life because broken as it is, it is all I can offer, and surprisingly, all that He wants from me.
So really, this is what I wanted to say:
I Offer My Life
Don Moen
All that I am, all that I have,
I lay them down before You O Lord.
All my regrets, all my acclaim,
The joy and the pain,
I’m making them yours.
Refrain:
Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for Your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord, I offer You my life.
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true.
All of my hopes, all of my plans,
My heart and my hands are lifted to You.
Repeat Refrain
Bridge:
What can we give that You have not given
And what do we have that is not already Yours?
All we possess are these lives we’re living
And that’s what we give to you, Lord
Repeat Refrain
Friday, July 21, 2006
Companions for The Journey
Some people know me so well that with one look, they can tell whether I’m bored, famished, excited, or piqued. I like to be with those kinds of people when I’m going through mood swings and I don’t want to have to explain why. These people who I’d like to call friends just get me. Maybe, as Sallie Fields puts it, they love me; they really love me.
There are times when I don’t want to be with people to whom I have to spell out things. I like my closest friends to read my thoughts, finish my sentences, and determine my moods. I can very well do the same for them, so I guess I’m thrilled when they exhibit the same powers, er, courtesies, no I’m looking for a better word… inclinations. My ex said, however, that he wasn’t a mind-reader and couldn’t tell when my silence meant I was mad. That’s why it could never work between us, I thought then.
One thing I discovered, though, was that intuition was more present, or maybe at least entertained, in the female brain. Men sometimes simply refuse to read between the lines or interpret body language. They want things to be said in plain words, something that my female pride could never succumb to. Worse, I’m a Filipina and accustomed to indirect communication, also called di-tuwirang pamamahayag. I’m sure my notes from Psych 101 could explain this better.
As I grow older, this search for familiarity and intimacy in relationships continues and those who effortlessly match my personality form my inner circle. They reflect God’s love to me, Him who knows me inside and out – every wish, every desire, every weakness, every strength. When somebody reaches out to me and responds to a prayer I’ve only whispered to God, I know He heard me. I know He loves me. It helps when it’s the people I love the most who are attuned to the Spirit and who allow themselves to be used as instruments of His presence.
I like to meet all sorts of people, from different backgrounds, and I love serving them or just relating to them. But when it comes to rainy days, when I have to make decisions, when I doubt my choices and grow impatient for results, the people who know me best are the ones I seek. Their strong, comforting presence just assures me that the storm will pass and the sun will rise again tomorrow.
Discernment is a never-ending process and I’m finding out the hard way. I hope it leads to heaven. One of those somebodies said that surely, the things I’m praying about now should lead me to heaven, for that is the path that I seek. For…
“One thing I ask of the LORD; this I seek: To dwell in the LORD'S house all the days of my life, To gaze on the LORD'S beauty, to visit his temple.” (Ps 27:4, NAB)
There are times when I don’t want to be with people to whom I have to spell out things. I like my closest friends to read my thoughts, finish my sentences, and determine my moods. I can very well do the same for them, so I guess I’m thrilled when they exhibit the same powers, er, courtesies, no I’m looking for a better word… inclinations. My ex said, however, that he wasn’t a mind-reader and couldn’t tell when my silence meant I was mad. That’s why it could never work between us, I thought then.
One thing I discovered, though, was that intuition was more present, or maybe at least entertained, in the female brain. Men sometimes simply refuse to read between the lines or interpret body language. They want things to be said in plain words, something that my female pride could never succumb to. Worse, I’m a Filipina and accustomed to indirect communication, also called di-tuwirang pamamahayag. I’m sure my notes from Psych 101 could explain this better.
As I grow older, this search for familiarity and intimacy in relationships continues and those who effortlessly match my personality form my inner circle. They reflect God’s love to me, Him who knows me inside and out – every wish, every desire, every weakness, every strength. When somebody reaches out to me and responds to a prayer I’ve only whispered to God, I know He heard me. I know He loves me. It helps when it’s the people I love the most who are attuned to the Spirit and who allow themselves to be used as instruments of His presence.
I like to meet all sorts of people, from different backgrounds, and I love serving them or just relating to them. But when it comes to rainy days, when I have to make decisions, when I doubt my choices and grow impatient for results, the people who know me best are the ones I seek. Their strong, comforting presence just assures me that the storm will pass and the sun will rise again tomorrow.
Discernment is a never-ending process and I’m finding out the hard way. I hope it leads to heaven. One of those somebodies said that surely, the things I’m praying about now should lead me to heaven, for that is the path that I seek. For…
“One thing I ask of the LORD; this I seek: To dwell in the LORD'S house all the days of my life, To gaze on the LORD'S beauty, to visit his temple.” (Ps 27:4, NAB)
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Pose for a Minute
I've been so busy with our three-year planning that I haven't been able to even think about what to blog. All Lingkod regional directors and moderators flew to Manila, er, Tagaytay, for the planning session. I tried to document everything. I posed just this once to show off my new World Cup shirt. The laptop is ancient, circa 1996, but it served us well.
I wish I could go back to Tagaytay and not have to work.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
All my Friends are Getting Married
Somebody sang this song to me today just because I told him that two of our common friends are getting married, to each other.
I’ve never heard this song before, but I Googled it, and found it’s from an album released in 1970! I wasn’t even born then yet. I’m quoting a portion of the song here:
All My Friends Are Getting Married
(Greg Macainsh) / Skyhooks
Well all my friends are getting married
Yes they're all growin' old
They're staying home on weekends
They're all doin' what they're told
But I'm caught up in this magic
I'm all caught up in the fun
I'm all caught up in this music
Maybe I'll never have a son
x x x
Well sometimes I feel like I'm left behind
And sometimes I feel like I just left school
Wonder if I'll ever grow up
Maybe I'm the only fool
But I'm all caught up in this magic
Yes I'm caught up in this fun
I'm all caught up with this music
Well maybe I'll never have a son
Well my dear friend, we can at least enjoy the music! I wanted to tell you that the only thing worse than a single person’s loneliness is… someone else’s marital misery. But I wasn't sure if you would agree with me.
As I was putting on anti-aging products on my face tonight, I thought of my singularly lonely friends and my maritally miserable ones. I also though about those who seemed to have everything right - marriage, work, children, all of life perfectly figured out. And a quiet voice reminded me that all of us, without exception, would be worse than just lonely or miserable, but would be downright hopeless, if we didn't have an awareness of the love of God for each and every one of us, and if we didn't live our lives towards coming up with our own best response to that love.
Married is not necessarily better than single, and vice versa. I asked one of the greatest living people I know what following God was really about, in his opinion, and he said that everyone else would often say that it's about getting what we want when we want it everytime, but for him it's about taking up our cross and following our Lord Jesus. If we want to be serious about our relationship with God, we have to stop this whining and complaining, and start getting our acts together. So we might feel left behind sometimes, but that's just temporary. The only thing eternal is the love of God, whoever we are, whatever our status or situation in life is.
I left that conversation feeling how simple the solution to my boredom and restlessness really is, but I have to be reminded of the truth point blank or else I'd keep going around in circles, repeating past mistakes, pursuing dead ends, trying several U-turns, and not understanding why I could never seem to get anything right.
Maybe instead of singing or writing about my problems, I should do something about them and actually face the people who are in authority to correct the seemingly erroneous situations that make my life difficult these days.
I have discovered how averse to conflict and confrontation I really am. That's why like a lot of Pinoys my age, I enjoy the ease, comfort and detachment of blogging and texting. But my conscience has spoken, and I have to heed his voice otherwise it was a mighty waste of his precious time.
Where did this blog lead to? I was only planning to write about the song about all my friends getting married. This conscience, really, is hard to ignore.
I’ve never heard this song before, but I Googled it, and found it’s from an album released in 1970! I wasn’t even born then yet. I’m quoting a portion of the song here:
All My Friends Are Getting Married
(Greg Macainsh) / Skyhooks
Well all my friends are getting married
Yes they're all growin' old
They're staying home on weekends
They're all doin' what they're told
But I'm caught up in this magic
I'm all caught up in the fun
I'm all caught up in this music
Maybe I'll never have a son
x x x
Well sometimes I feel like I'm left behind
And sometimes I feel like I just left school
Wonder if I'll ever grow up
Maybe I'm the only fool
But I'm all caught up in this magic
Yes I'm caught up in this fun
I'm all caught up with this music
Well maybe I'll never have a son
Well my dear friend, we can at least enjoy the music! I wanted to tell you that the only thing worse than a single person’s loneliness is… someone else’s marital misery. But I wasn't sure if you would agree with me.
As I was putting on anti-aging products on my face tonight, I thought of my singularly lonely friends and my maritally miserable ones. I also though about those who seemed to have everything right - marriage, work, children, all of life perfectly figured out. And a quiet voice reminded me that all of us, without exception, would be worse than just lonely or miserable, but would be downright hopeless, if we didn't have an awareness of the love of God for each and every one of us, and if we didn't live our lives towards coming up with our own best response to that love.
Married is not necessarily better than single, and vice versa. I asked one of the greatest living people I know what following God was really about, in his opinion, and he said that everyone else would often say that it's about getting what we want when we want it everytime, but for him it's about taking up our cross and following our Lord Jesus. If we want to be serious about our relationship with God, we have to stop this whining and complaining, and start getting our acts together. So we might feel left behind sometimes, but that's just temporary. The only thing eternal is the love of God, whoever we are, whatever our status or situation in life is.
I left that conversation feeling how simple the solution to my boredom and restlessness really is, but I have to be reminded of the truth point blank or else I'd keep going around in circles, repeating past mistakes, pursuing dead ends, trying several U-turns, and not understanding why I could never seem to get anything right.
Maybe instead of singing or writing about my problems, I should do something about them and actually face the people who are in authority to correct the seemingly erroneous situations that make my life difficult these days.
I have discovered how averse to conflict and confrontation I really am. That's why like a lot of Pinoys my age, I enjoy the ease, comfort and detachment of blogging and texting. But my conscience has spoken, and I have to heed his voice otherwise it was a mighty waste of his precious time.
Where did this blog lead to? I was only planning to write about the song about all my friends getting married. This conscience, really, is hard to ignore.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
[Almost] Had a Bad Day
The fraternal sisters’ action group I belonged to met at our house last night. We had worship, dinner and fellowship as it was the last time that Doc A would join us, she being part of the new Lingkod mission team to Marikina.
I told Doc A of my symptoms (cough, colds, cold sweats, fever) and she said she wouldn’t prescribe antibiotics until I’ve had my checkup. I hated having checkups, and I’m using the word “hate” here. Being a patient always reminded me that I lacked patience. I tried to charm Doc A into giving me medicine that would make all the discomforts that had affected my life for several days now disappear in an instant, but she insisted that I had to go for a proper checkup. She warned that I might have “TB”.
TB? Tuberculosis? “Who still gets tuberculosis these days?” I thought. Isn’t that what Pres. Manuel Quezon died of? Our AG joked about my TB the whole night but the sisters made me promise that I would go to Philamcare the very next day. They even checked up on me the next morning to see if I obeyed, knowing I wasn’t inclined to.
So this morning I informed the office that I was going to be late and tried to schedule an appointment with the doctor. I noticed, however, how messy the house had been so I tried to straighten it up a bit before leaving. Since I wasn’t feeling well, I opted not to drive and waited for a cab. It took me an hour to get one, by which time I was really upset already after having to stand in the sun that long with my huge bag containing my water bottle, take-home work, kikay kit, etc.
When I arrived, I had already missed my appointment and was told the next doctor was arriving in an hour. The nurse took my BP, which was normal, and my temperature, which was ok. It was nearing lunchtime so the nurse advised me to eat lunch at the hospital cafeteria. Given how I was feeling, I was not up to tolerating hospital food. I left the building and tried to look for a nearby fastfood restaurant. The noontime sun grilled me and my little umbrella couldn’t protect me from the humidity. I could see a familiar sign – Jollibee – but it was quite a distance away. It was too near to ride the jeep for so I decided to walk, drinking water every time I felt I couldn’t go any further.
It was during that walk to Jollibee that I remembered this song by Daniel Powter – “Bad Day” – the lyrics of which I posted below. That was my idea of a bad day – not having eaten properly for several days, I was hiking towards Pinoy fastfood heaven, but it seemed too far away and my strength was slipping away. I could almost imagine the headlines – “Girl Faints Before Ordering Chickenjoy”. Why, oh why did I stubbornly decline all offers to accompany me to the doctor? Why didn’t I take the car? Why didn’t I go earlier before this blasted sun decided to show off?
I thought I could hear the “Chariots of Fire” soundtrack as the guard opened the door and welcomed me to Jollibee. I felt that I looked like a melted candlestick but I didn’t care. I noticed the noise, however, since it was at a level that was a little above my capacity to endure for the day. Students, workers, families and friends spoke at the same time and I felt I was going to faint. I tried to tune them out (as in those commercials when the world would freeze) and willed myself to think of what to order. I ended up not ordering Chickenjoy because that was my last decent meal – the one I got at the Philcoa drive-thru on my way home from watching Superman last weekend. I got the Crispy bangus belly instead, to try something new.
As I sat down to eat, I realized it was my first proper meal, i.e., something with rice, in several days. I didn’t have much of an appetite and was too lazy to cook real food, so I survived on oatmeal, sandwiches, pizza (thank God we ordered Yellowcab last night, the gastronomic highlight of my week), and leftovers. People had offered to bring me food the past few days but I, again, stupidly resisted. I was making a statement, that getting sick and being home alone was something that happened to everyone and I wasn’t going to make a big deal about it.
I laughed off thoughts of having TB as I downed two bottles of mineral water in one sitting. I checked myself in the mirror and noticed my poor skin had not taken well to my walk in the sun. I took the jeep back to the hospital and arrived early enough to listen to relaxing music on my nano while waiting for my name to be called.
The doctor who saw me had my records in her hand. “The last time you were here, you also had the same symptoms,” she said. I said yes, I had cough two years ago (which was my last visit) too. She used a tongue depressor, something that I hadn’t felt inside my mouth in decades, and I felt like texting my mom to pick me up, except that she was too far away to make it on time. Our family doctor used to give me lollipops right after poking at my tongue. This one didn’t. She just said that my throat wasn’t that red so I only had viral infection. Thank God, right? I knew I didn’t have TB! She ordered bed rest, and asked what my bedtime was. I confessed to not sleeping early at night (like this) and she said I should, because that’s what lowers my immunity. Then she gave me a medical certificate to ensure that this stubborn big girl would get bed rest for two days.
After that visit, did I buy the medicines and go home to rest? No, not just yet, I had to drop by the office for I had a touch-base meeting with my boss in preparation for our three-year planning next week, and I had to collect the files that I needed to… work at home. Yes, I had no choice, although the people at the office were very concerned about me and my health and I’m glad they even shooed me home. Hmm maybe partly because I was coughing all over the place and spreading the virus for all to catch freely.
The cab driver didn’t want to wait for me outside Mercury Drug, as he said it always took him a minimum of 10 minutes to buy anything from there. So I ended up taking two cab rides to my house. What a splurge! But I had a bad day, so I didn’t feel guilty.
I counted my blessings when I got home. At least I didn’t have TB; at least my mom texted to ask how I was doing and to tell me they were all sad in Germany because Italy kicked them out of the finals; at least my brother called to ask if I wanted to stay at his house (I said I might be contagious); at least I wasn’t really alone as I had subscribed to Globe UnlimiTxt and had ongoing text conversations with my sister-in-law and other Globe-connected friends; and at least I could afford to see a doctor, buy medicines, and even ride the taxi home.
When, a few hours later, I received free tickets to Bo Sanchez’ 40th birthday comedy concert on Saturday, I realized it wasn’t an altogether bad day, after all! But before enjoying that performance, I have to sleep, and rest, and turn in work on time first. I’ll get through all that. There is no situation so bad that God can’t turn around for the good of those who love Him! Chariots of Fire soundtrack playing again as I cheer myself to finish all I have to do….
Oh, here’s the song I wrote about above:
Bad Day
Daniel Powter
Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on
Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oooh.. a holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
(yeah...)
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
I had a good day, really. I just thought I didn’t.
I told Doc A of my symptoms (cough, colds, cold sweats, fever) and she said she wouldn’t prescribe antibiotics until I’ve had my checkup. I hated having checkups, and I’m using the word “hate” here. Being a patient always reminded me that I lacked patience. I tried to charm Doc A into giving me medicine that would make all the discomforts that had affected my life for several days now disappear in an instant, but she insisted that I had to go for a proper checkup. She warned that I might have “TB”.
TB? Tuberculosis? “Who still gets tuberculosis these days?” I thought. Isn’t that what Pres. Manuel Quezon died of? Our AG joked about my TB the whole night but the sisters made me promise that I would go to Philamcare the very next day. They even checked up on me the next morning to see if I obeyed, knowing I wasn’t inclined to.
So this morning I informed the office that I was going to be late and tried to schedule an appointment with the doctor. I noticed, however, how messy the house had been so I tried to straighten it up a bit before leaving. Since I wasn’t feeling well, I opted not to drive and waited for a cab. It took me an hour to get one, by which time I was really upset already after having to stand in the sun that long with my huge bag containing my water bottle, take-home work, kikay kit, etc.
When I arrived, I had already missed my appointment and was told the next doctor was arriving in an hour. The nurse took my BP, which was normal, and my temperature, which was ok. It was nearing lunchtime so the nurse advised me to eat lunch at the hospital cafeteria. Given how I was feeling, I was not up to tolerating hospital food. I left the building and tried to look for a nearby fastfood restaurant. The noontime sun grilled me and my little umbrella couldn’t protect me from the humidity. I could see a familiar sign – Jollibee – but it was quite a distance away. It was too near to ride the jeep for so I decided to walk, drinking water every time I felt I couldn’t go any further.
It was during that walk to Jollibee that I remembered this song by Daniel Powter – “Bad Day” – the lyrics of which I posted below. That was my idea of a bad day – not having eaten properly for several days, I was hiking towards Pinoy fastfood heaven, but it seemed too far away and my strength was slipping away. I could almost imagine the headlines – “Girl Faints Before Ordering Chickenjoy”. Why, oh why did I stubbornly decline all offers to accompany me to the doctor? Why didn’t I take the car? Why didn’t I go earlier before this blasted sun decided to show off?
I thought I could hear the “Chariots of Fire” soundtrack as the guard opened the door and welcomed me to Jollibee. I felt that I looked like a melted candlestick but I didn’t care. I noticed the noise, however, since it was at a level that was a little above my capacity to endure for the day. Students, workers, families and friends spoke at the same time and I felt I was going to faint. I tried to tune them out (as in those commercials when the world would freeze) and willed myself to think of what to order. I ended up not ordering Chickenjoy because that was my last decent meal – the one I got at the Philcoa drive-thru on my way home from watching Superman last weekend. I got the Crispy bangus belly instead, to try something new.
As I sat down to eat, I realized it was my first proper meal, i.e., something with rice, in several days. I didn’t have much of an appetite and was too lazy to cook real food, so I survived on oatmeal, sandwiches, pizza (thank God we ordered Yellowcab last night, the gastronomic highlight of my week), and leftovers. People had offered to bring me food the past few days but I, again, stupidly resisted. I was making a statement, that getting sick and being home alone was something that happened to everyone and I wasn’t going to make a big deal about it.
I laughed off thoughts of having TB as I downed two bottles of mineral water in one sitting. I checked myself in the mirror and noticed my poor skin had not taken well to my walk in the sun. I took the jeep back to the hospital and arrived early enough to listen to relaxing music on my nano while waiting for my name to be called.
The doctor who saw me had my records in her hand. “The last time you were here, you also had the same symptoms,” she said. I said yes, I had cough two years ago (which was my last visit) too. She used a tongue depressor, something that I hadn’t felt inside my mouth in decades, and I felt like texting my mom to pick me up, except that she was too far away to make it on time. Our family doctor used to give me lollipops right after poking at my tongue. This one didn’t. She just said that my throat wasn’t that red so I only had viral infection. Thank God, right? I knew I didn’t have TB! She ordered bed rest, and asked what my bedtime was. I confessed to not sleeping early at night (like this) and she said I should, because that’s what lowers my immunity. Then she gave me a medical certificate to ensure that this stubborn big girl would get bed rest for two days.
After that visit, did I buy the medicines and go home to rest? No, not just yet, I had to drop by the office for I had a touch-base meeting with my boss in preparation for our three-year planning next week, and I had to collect the files that I needed to… work at home. Yes, I had no choice, although the people at the office were very concerned about me and my health and I’m glad they even shooed me home. Hmm maybe partly because I was coughing all over the place and spreading the virus for all to catch freely.
The cab driver didn’t want to wait for me outside Mercury Drug, as he said it always took him a minimum of 10 minutes to buy anything from there. So I ended up taking two cab rides to my house. What a splurge! But I had a bad day, so I didn’t feel guilty.
I counted my blessings when I got home. At least I didn’t have TB; at least my mom texted to ask how I was doing and to tell me they were all sad in Germany because Italy kicked them out of the finals; at least my brother called to ask if I wanted to stay at his house (I said I might be contagious); at least I wasn’t really alone as I had subscribed to Globe UnlimiTxt and had ongoing text conversations with my sister-in-law and other Globe-connected friends; and at least I could afford to see a doctor, buy medicines, and even ride the taxi home.
When, a few hours later, I received free tickets to Bo Sanchez’ 40th birthday comedy concert on Saturday, I realized it wasn’t an altogether bad day, after all! But before enjoying that performance, I have to sleep, and rest, and turn in work on time first. I’ll get through all that. There is no situation so bad that God can’t turn around for the good of those who love Him! Chariots of Fire soundtrack playing again as I cheer myself to finish all I have to do….
Oh, here’s the song I wrote about above:
Bad Day
Daniel Powter
Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on
Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oooh.. a holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
(yeah...)
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
I had a good day, really. I just thought I didn’t.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Late Have I Loved You
My last post got me thinking about the words of St. Augustine from his Confessions. They are beautiful words, speaking of a prayer so intimate to a God full of love, to which I dare not add anymore.
"Late have I loved you, O Beauty ever ancient, ever new, late have I loved you! You were within me, but I was outside, and it was there that I searched for you. In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created. You were with me, but I was not with you. Created things kept me from you; yet if they had not been in you they would not have been at all. You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness. You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness. You breathed your fragrance on me; I drew in breath and now I pant for you. I have tasted you, now I hunger and thirst for more. You touched me, and I burned for your peace."
"Late have I loved you, O Beauty ever ancient, ever new, late have I loved you! You were within me, but I was outside, and it was there that I searched for you. In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created. You were with me, but I was not with you. Created things kept me from you; yet if they had not been in you they would not have been at all. You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness. You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness. You breathed your fragrance on me; I drew in breath and now I pant for you. I have tasted you, now I hunger and thirst for more. You touched me, and I burned for your peace."
Now Playing: Take Heart
Late have I found you…
I just bought, on sale from The House of Praise, a CD that was released in 2000 called “The Mercy Project”. It boasts of recordings from 12 of the top Christian, pop, and gospel female artists around. All benefits go to Mercy Ministries America. The artists are - Michelle Tumes, Point of Grace, Darlene Zschech, Martina McBride, Lisa Bevill, Amy Grant, Erin O'Donnell, Christine Dente, Donna Summer, Jill Phillips, April McLean, and Kim Hill.
I like all the songs, they accompany me these days and speak of my questions and desires to God. My current favorite is this one, which really sounds better than it looks. You should hear it as it’s a wonderful, uplifting song:
TAKE HEART
Donna Summer
(Sudano/DiGesare, 2000)
(From the album "The Mercy Project", 2000)
Take heart
Even though you find it hard
To catch your breath
Much less to smile
Take heart
Even when your sky is dark
There'll come a day
The clouds will go
And you'll know once again what life can be
When you feel all the joy it can bring
If only we could understand what God only knows
Maybe then it would be easy letting go
But if the spirit lives forever and true love never dies
There'll always be a light in your soul
Take heart
With each and every tear your cry
The strength you need
Will be yours in time
Take heart
Someday's not that far away
There is that place
Where hope will abide
And you'll find that your heart feels deeper now
Through the love that's been lost with goodbye
If only we could understand what God only knows
Maybe then it would be easy letting go
If the spirit lives forever and true love never dies
There'll always be a light in your soul
Always remember to treasure the time
So many questions with no reason why
Life passes by
So it goes
If only we could understand what God only knows
Maybe then it would be easy letting go
But if the spirit lives forever and true love never dies
There'll always be a light in your soul
There'll always be a light in your soul
(If only we could understand what God only knows)
Maybe it would be easier
(Maybe then it would be easy letting go)
So take heart
(If the spirit lives forever and) true love never dies
There'll always be a light
Always be a light
(There'll always be a light) Always be a light
In your soul
In your soul
Take heart, take heart
Then it would be easy
(Take heart) (If only we could understand)
It would be easy letting go
(Take heart) (If only we could understand)
It would be easier, easier letting go
(Take heart) (If only we could understand)
Ooh
You
Are not alone
(Take heart)
I just bought, on sale from The House of Praise, a CD that was released in 2000 called “The Mercy Project”. It boasts of recordings from 12 of the top Christian, pop, and gospel female artists around. All benefits go to Mercy Ministries America. The artists are - Michelle Tumes, Point of Grace, Darlene Zschech, Martina McBride, Lisa Bevill, Amy Grant, Erin O'Donnell, Christine Dente, Donna Summer, Jill Phillips, April McLean, and Kim Hill.
I like all the songs, they accompany me these days and speak of my questions and desires to God. My current favorite is this one, which really sounds better than it looks. You should hear it as it’s a wonderful, uplifting song:
TAKE HEART
Donna Summer
(Sudano/DiGesare, 2000)
(From the album "The Mercy Project", 2000)
Take heart
Even though you find it hard
To catch your breath
Much less to smile
Take heart
Even when your sky is dark
There'll come a day
The clouds will go
And you'll know once again what life can be
When you feel all the joy it can bring
If only we could understand what God only knows
Maybe then it would be easy letting go
But if the spirit lives forever and true love never dies
There'll always be a light in your soul
Take heart
With each and every tear your cry
The strength you need
Will be yours in time
Take heart
Someday's not that far away
There is that place
Where hope will abide
And you'll find that your heart feels deeper now
Through the love that's been lost with goodbye
If only we could understand what God only knows
Maybe then it would be easy letting go
If the spirit lives forever and true love never dies
There'll always be a light in your soul
Always remember to treasure the time
So many questions with no reason why
Life passes by
So it goes
If only we could understand what God only knows
Maybe then it would be easy letting go
But if the spirit lives forever and true love never dies
There'll always be a light in your soul
There'll always be a light in your soul
(If only we could understand what God only knows)
Maybe it would be easier
(Maybe then it would be easy letting go)
So take heart
(If the spirit lives forever and) true love never dies
There'll always be a light
Always be a light
(There'll always be a light) Always be a light
In your soul
In your soul
Take heart, take heart
Then it would be easy
(Take heart) (If only we could understand)
It would be easy letting go
(Take heart) (If only we could understand)
It would be easier, easier letting go
(Take heart) (If only we could understand)
Ooh
You
Are not alone
(Take heart)
Home Alone
My family's in Paris and I'm in... no, definitely not in New York.
Looks like they're having fun as captured by Kuya Ric's impressive digital SLR camera. I can't want one as I wouldn't even know how to use it properly.
They've been to Munich, Paris, Rome, and Salzburg the past few weeks. Because of the thousands of photo albums I've seen of Europe from friends and family, it's as if I've been there already. Well, almost.
I haven't even been to New York!
Chicken Soup for the Sick
I thought I had fever, but the Posh reminded me that it was our first anniversary, so they came bearing cakes. They delighted in picking santol from up our tree and in inviting the MGLs for a videoke session, which the priests won, by the way.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Now Showing: Superman Returns
I just saw Superman Returns today, courtesy of a very generous soul (MMIII) who sponsored my ticket to Lingkod Greenhills’ block-off screening at Robinsons Pioneer. I am a very lucky girl, as the ticket cost a bit more than the regular screening, for it was part of a fundraising activity.
Expecting an intellectual review of the movie? Hop to the next blog, please, as I’m not about to give you one. I might just rave about Brandon Routh in a very senseless way here. Well, if Lois Lane can get a Pulitzer Prize for writing a piece entitled “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman”, I can get away with writing anything Superman-related, for he IS, as The Daily Planet’s editor Perry White puts it, “the news” these days.
I entered the movie house thinking that this Superman had some pretty high standards to live up to. After all, the first Hollywood movie I saw on the big screen was “Superman II”, way back when. And I loved it, as I’ve always wished I could fly, and this guy Superman, I saw that he could take you places up, up and away. Kal-el/Clark Kent/Christopher Reeve also starred in “Somewhere in Time”, one of my favorite movies as a child.
The other Superman sequels didn’t quite make the same impact on me. I borrowed some of the DC comic books but soon grew tired of all the twists in the hero from Smallville’s storyline that the writers loved to concoct.
Still, it was high time for Superman to return. Christopher Reeve died leaving his fans sad and awakened to the fact that he was not a superhero, after all. He was a very good man and he and his wife touched many lives. But he left a hole for another hero in our lives.
Bryan Singer did so well in his X-Men films that I was looking forward to what he was going to do with the all-American hero. What he directed was a story that slowly unfolded, taking into account the vast Superman knowledge of his audience and sharing with them discoveries about the superhero's past, present and future. We wondered if a hospital could help him, and we were not surprised. We wondered if he loved Lois Lane, yet we knew all along.
I’m thankful that while they were touring the city one night, Lois didn’t break into song anymore. She didn’t ask if Superman could read her mind, because frankly that wasn’t one of his powers anyway, and the moment just was better without that cheesy love song playing in the background. I agree, sure, that anyone would like to be “the friend” that Superman “would fly to”, but wordless music captured it better.
Lois reminded me of Mr. Kenya. The latter is a character concocted by the members of Lingkod Los Baños, who referred to himself as a man “who belonged to a country that could never be mine”. Hindi iyo, hindi akin, Kenya. (“Not yours, not mine, his". Or hers. No direct translation for a joke!)
Going back to Ms. Lane, well I really pity the girl with the silken curls and the successful career (where did she get the time to get a pedicure amidst all that action being supermom, supergirlfriend, superjournalist? It's a fantasy movie, all right). She’s in love with a man who could never be hers. The real "greatest American hero" is not yours, Lois, not mine, but theirs (the world’s).
Lois needed Superman, that’s why she wrote passionately about why the world didn’t. She tried to convince herself. She got the award, but in tears, because she lied. And when Superman returned, she couldn’t take back the words that had already been said. Good thing that though the kryptonite-allergic guy in the blue-and-red suit could not read minds, he could read between the lines. Lois could write many more lines, but still the truth would come out.
It was reported that Superman was in Manila. Where was I at that time??? Whom did he rescue? Ok, I lied too. I don’t find it that cheesy. In fact, I know the song a bit well. So sing it with me. I know you like it too.
I end on this note, fading away now and will go to sleep dreaming of a superhero named… Brandon Routh. (Sisters who watched all agreed with me, he’s a cutie.)
Can You Read My Mind
Maureen McGovern
Lyrics - Music: Leslie Bricusse and John Williams
Can you read my mind?
Do you know what it is you do to me?
Don't know who you are
Just a friend from another star
Here I am like a kid at a school
Holding hands with a god, I'm a fool
Will you look at me quivering
Like a little girl shivering?
You can see right through me
Can you read my mind?
Can you picture the things I'm thinking of?
Wondering why you are
All the wonderful things you are
You can fly, you belong to the sky
You and I could belong to each other
If you need a friend,I'm the one to fly to
If you need to be loved, (to be loved)
Here I am, read my mind!
INSTRUMENTAL
BRIDGE
Will you look at me quivering
Like a little girl shivering?
You can see right through me
If you need a friend,I'm the one to fly to (big finish now..)
If you need to be loved,
Here I am, read my mind!
Read my mind!
Expecting an intellectual review of the movie? Hop to the next blog, please, as I’m not about to give you one. I might just rave about Brandon Routh in a very senseless way here. Well, if Lois Lane can get a Pulitzer Prize for writing a piece entitled “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman”, I can get away with writing anything Superman-related, for he IS, as The Daily Planet’s editor Perry White puts it, “the news” these days.
I entered the movie house thinking that this Superman had some pretty high standards to live up to. After all, the first Hollywood movie I saw on the big screen was “Superman II”, way back when. And I loved it, as I’ve always wished I could fly, and this guy Superman, I saw that he could take you places up, up and away. Kal-el/Clark Kent/Christopher Reeve also starred in “Somewhere in Time”, one of my favorite movies as a child.
The other Superman sequels didn’t quite make the same impact on me. I borrowed some of the DC comic books but soon grew tired of all the twists in the hero from Smallville’s storyline that the writers loved to concoct.
Still, it was high time for Superman to return. Christopher Reeve died leaving his fans sad and awakened to the fact that he was not a superhero, after all. He was a very good man and he and his wife touched many lives. But he left a hole for another hero in our lives.
Bryan Singer did so well in his X-Men films that I was looking forward to what he was going to do with the all-American hero. What he directed was a story that slowly unfolded, taking into account the vast Superman knowledge of his audience and sharing with them discoveries about the superhero's past, present and future. We wondered if a hospital could help him, and we were not surprised. We wondered if he loved Lois Lane, yet we knew all along.
I’m thankful that while they were touring the city one night, Lois didn’t break into song anymore. She didn’t ask if Superman could read her mind, because frankly that wasn’t one of his powers anyway, and the moment just was better without that cheesy love song playing in the background. I agree, sure, that anyone would like to be “the friend” that Superman “would fly to”, but wordless music captured it better.
Lois reminded me of Mr. Kenya. The latter is a character concocted by the members of Lingkod Los Baños, who referred to himself as a man “who belonged to a country that could never be mine”. Hindi iyo, hindi akin, Kenya. (“Not yours, not mine, his". Or hers. No direct translation for a joke!)
Going back to Ms. Lane, well I really pity the girl with the silken curls and the successful career (where did she get the time to get a pedicure amidst all that action being supermom, supergirlfriend, superjournalist? It's a fantasy movie, all right). She’s in love with a man who could never be hers. The real "greatest American hero" is not yours, Lois, not mine, but theirs (the world’s).
Lois needed Superman, that’s why she wrote passionately about why the world didn’t. She tried to convince herself. She got the award, but in tears, because she lied. And when Superman returned, she couldn’t take back the words that had already been said. Good thing that though the kryptonite-allergic guy in the blue-and-red suit could not read minds, he could read between the lines. Lois could write many more lines, but still the truth would come out.
It was reported that Superman was in Manila. Where was I at that time??? Whom did he rescue? Ok, I lied too. I don’t find it that cheesy. In fact, I know the song a bit well. So sing it with me. I know you like it too.
I end on this note, fading away now and will go to sleep dreaming of a superhero named… Brandon Routh. (Sisters who watched all agreed with me, he’s a cutie.)
Can You Read My Mind
Maureen McGovern
Lyrics - Music: Leslie Bricusse and John Williams
Can you read my mind?
Do you know what it is you do to me?
Don't know who you are
Just a friend from another star
Here I am like a kid at a school
Holding hands with a god, I'm a fool
Will you look at me quivering
Like a little girl shivering?
You can see right through me
Can you read my mind?
Can you picture the things I'm thinking of?
Wondering why you are
All the wonderful things you are
You can fly, you belong to the sky
You and I could belong to each other
If you need a friend,I'm the one to fly to
If you need to be loved, (to be loved)
Here I am, read my mind!
INSTRUMENTAL
BRIDGE
Will you look at me quivering
Like a little girl shivering?
You can see right through me
If you need a friend,I'm the one to fly to (big finish now..)
If you need to be loved,
Here I am, read my mind!
Read my mind!
Good night, folks. One has to be asleep in order to be able to wake up properly.
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