Without intending to, I overbooked myself this week. I was not able to control just how much I had crammed into my days. This list is not going to have parallelism at all: I had two Lingkod talks, a teambuilding activity in Punta Fuego, several meetings for my friend's online travel business, a monthly meeting for the parish Youth Alive! ministry, a retreat to plan for to be given to a graduating batch of grade 6 students, and writing assignments. I did not compromise on my prayer time and on daily mass because they allowed me to experience quietness in the midst of all my busyness.
Last Monday I begged God to make me productive and to show me how to manage my time reasonably. I woke up to Ash Wednesday in a state of panic - how could Lent come without me preparing my heart for it? The heat turned up too in the city, and it did not help that I had to catch several rides to fly around my different commitments.
Something I heard at mass told me not to dread this Lenten season. In one of the priest's prayers before blessing the ashes, he asked that God allow the people to keep this Lenten season in preparation for the joy of Easter. That woke me up, the reminder of Easter.
There is always Easter. There is the Resurrection. My Saviour has already saved me, I repeated to myself. I could count on Him to fix my schedule. I could turn to Him when I felt panic and anxiety attacks. I could rely on Him to heal me even if right now I have to be constantly on the go. Ella, Ella, you are distracted by many things again! Jesus told Martha that only one thing was needed, and Mary had chosen the Better Part.
I used to know how to simply sit at His feet and listen to His teachings. How come it's difficult to balance that everyday?
I seem to have forgotten how to be joyful again. It's hard to explain. I hope this Lenten season, I could be transformed into a more joyful person.