I'm wishing for a new car, as the one I'm driving is slowly deteriorating and is getting more and more expensive to maintain. I can't afford to upgrade, however, so I just imagine myself winning in one of those raffles that I keep joining in supermarkets and gas stations.
I broke my digital camera and I'm wishing for a new one, which would allow me to take better pictures. Cameras are so expensive, I found out, and I might have to wait a bit more for this wish to come true. When I buy, I want the real thing, or nothing at all.
I have been tempted many times to get a new haircut, as that used to take away my blues. Some good friends would object to this, I just know it. For their sake, I have managed to refrain from getting my haircut fix.
I'm thinking for the umpteenth time of getting a foreign scholarship again, a telltale sign that I'm growing a bit restless, for I think of it as a surefire ticket to a whole new world.
Deep down inside, I know I won't just fly away without a secure job or a generous scholarship. It would be foolish to leave this country, this life, that I complain about so much, because I know I'd miss all these the minute I enter unfamiliar territory.
I need to shake off these thoughts. I have to go back to work tomorrow. I have a good job. I just wish I were a little good at it. Instead, it is, as it has been for several months now, a test of patience - not with other people, but with myself.
Some readers might ask, where is God in this picture? Why have I not written about Him in this post, when surely He would have a say on my wishes and frustrations?
The truth is that I haven't had time to listen to Him. I haven't been following my advice - of silence in praying and diligence in journaling. I've been doing all the talking in my prayer time.
A new life He can easily give me. Perhaps I just haven't allowed Him to do so. I guess you can tell. I'm afraid to listen. I might not know how to respond if I hear Him again.