I had a sad Monday. A bad Monday. A burst-into-tears-in-the-middle-of-the-workday Monday. There are a thousand theories and explanations for that, but bottom line, I needed a better Tuesday. So I prayed. And I simplified my prayer. Whenever I recognize my own helplessness, I tend to simplify my prayer, and it works every time.
I said, "Lord, I really cannot handle anymore stress today. Please give me a spectacular day. Not ordinary, because that won't do to make up for the terrible time I had yesterday. I need a spectacular day."
He answered it. He totally gave me a spectacular Tuesday.
I had a great Wednesday.
A smashing Thursday.
A fabulous Friday.
And today, well this was a smokin' Saturday.
I kind of get it that God works better when we let Him do His job without too much whining and nagging. But sometimes I still forget and insist on my own way.
I was asked to be a reader for anticipated mass at the last minute, so I was not really prepared mentally and emotionally for it. (Yes, control freak that I am, I like to prepare for my lector duty). I thought it was just going to be another mass when God would not speak, and I would just serve and then go home.
Lo and behold, the priest whom I did not know used as an example during homily that story about the man who would not let go of the branch he was holding on to in the middle of the night, and stayed there even if he heard the voice of God telling him to let go. The next day, after his ordeal, the man saw that he was only a few inches from the ground. The priest likened this to the widow of Zarephath, from the First Reading, who thought that Elijah was demanding her to bake her last bread for him, when the prophet was giving her a message from God, that oil and flour would not run out in her pantry.
I closed my eyes and felt this message being pressed into my ears, into my head, and into my heart. It is always darkest before dawn. When you hit rock bottom, there is no way to go but up. Let go and let God.
I was recharged with a dash of faith and hope again. Enough for another week. And I recognized my blessings again. My cup overflows with what God wants to fill it with. Everything is grace.
I will try to simplify my prayer and my life more. Less stressed, more blessed that way.