The Road to Freedom

Sometimes, we surprise ourselves. We do things that are "out of character." We know what we're doing is wrong and yet we do it again. We can't help it, is our excuse. We are "good", we tell ourselves, so we don't believe what we are actually capable of doing.

Probably. But we always have a choice. We can choose to say no to the habit, or the addiction, or the sin, or the person. We can distance ourselves from the source of our misery bit by bit.

Our friends and family can only remind us so much. But we have to see it for ourselves - the mistake, the destruction, the wrongdoing. Only when we own up to our actions and face the consequences do we become free.

And then we'll see the light. Our loved ones were right. We have stepped out of the darkness, and we look back and say, "What was I thinking? Why didn't I listen to them? What took me so long?"

The season of Lent is a time of grace, especially for those among us who want to get rid of something that is bad for us, and to change our lives for the better. Let us walk in faith and grab this opportunity being given to us to walk in the light and to be free.

Our lives won't be perfect instantly, but we can become better people, giving up one bad habit at a time. Let us pray for and support one another in this quest.

We can heal faster than we thought. We can move on better than we thought. We just have to follow the example of Jesus - His obedience, perseverance, faith, and love. It may sound difficult but this is our call, and we will surprise ourselves at our progress.

Forty days of Lent. Forty days of grace. Then our Easter will truly be victorious. By God's grace, we can do it.

P.S., If you succeed in this endeavor, tell me about it. Write it down and share it.

Grace and Mercy

This has been a most challenging day for me, the kind that we all get once in a while.

During my prayer time this morning, several passages struck me, including the Gospel today, where Mark wrote this about the Lord: "He sighed from the depth of his spirit and said, 'Why does this generation seek a sign? Amen, I say to you, no sign will be given to this generation.'"

And this from the letter of James, which became my FB status for a while:

"But he should ask in faith, not doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed about by the wind." (Jas 1:6, NAB)

Ask in faith. Don't seek a sign. I repeated this to myself over and over on my way to work. During the day, I had to face consequences of past mistakes, and to put myself at the mercy of others. If the letter of the law were to be applied, I would probably have been made to suffer more for my actions. I agonized over it the whole day, even as I went about my work and fulfilled my duties. I reminded myself to ask in faith, and to believe, not doubt. The wind would attempt to toss me about but I should remain steady.

Yet, guilt and fear gripped me. I was hard on myself, meting out the sentence already in my head. Then one word kept repeating in my head, as if whispered by a silent voice: Mercy. With mercy, I would not have to suffer the fate I was resigned to according to my own set of strict rules. I needed God's mercy. I needed to ask other people for mercy.

What did I do? I asked God for a sign. I always resort to this when my faith is at its thinnest, like it was earlier today. I begged God for assurance that He would show His mercy upon me and spare me from further pain.

He didn't have to do it, but God granted my request. I heard the word "mercy" from a friend tonight. I was shocked, and let the shock work through my little faith.

I would not know how to explain grace and mercy, but I have experienced it in my life. So many times, I deserved to be punished for misbehaving, but instead I had received nothing but kindness, goodness, and generosity.

Guess what, upon my return home and to FB, I saw this posted as the Word Among Us status:

How many are your mercies, O God - mercies yesterday and today, and at every moment of my life, from before my birth, from before time itself began! I am plunged deep in mercies - I drown in them; they cover me, wrapping me around every side. -Venerable Charles de Foucauld

This described my whole experience today. I was amazed; simply amazed. Despite the word not to ask for a sign, I still did. Even with my recidivism and habitual delinquency, I received pardon and mercy. The pill was not as bitter as I thought it ought to be.

If we were to use our human standards to judge ourselves, we would all perish. But God's grace is enough for us. Jesus' sacrifice has saved us. His mercy is from age to age; everlasting; abundant. These are not words I recite from memory, but are so real to me.

I do not deserve this, but I thank you, Lord. Thank you for letting me personally experience your grace and mercy, and for working through my little faith. Help me to remember all these tomorrow, and to focus on faith, grace, and mercy instead of fear, guilt, and pride. Amen.

Preparing for Lent 2010

I have found a good link for Lent 2010. It is quite comprehensive in information and links, enough to get one started early, and hopefully, properly, this year.

Not just because the Church says so, but I have found that Easter becomes more joyful whenever I go through Lent seriously, as in to the best of my abilities. During those years when Lent just passed me by without making certain decisions for more fasting, praying, and almsgiving, I did not experience the same triumphant personal rising at Easter as I did during my "good years".



So this year I will plan ahead a bit, and have less of the world, so I can have more of the Lord.

I will share with you my simple decisions for the season of Lent:

1. Fasting on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday (again, not just because it's "required", but it is good for the soul. Fasting is one meal and two snacks, according to our parish priest.)

2. Wake up 30 minutes early and incorporate more meditation/ reflection/ journaling into my prayer time.

3. Daily mass as often as I can.

4. One hour of adoration a week.

5. Go to Confession.

6. Revisit my spiritual book supply and read those I have postponed reading for one reason or another (not ready; no time; lazy; afraid).

7. Continue attending weekly bible study and serving in various ways at the parish.

8. Go on a personal retreat.

9. Join a Lenten recollection or day of prayer.



10. Do random acts of kindness to strangers and lovedones alike.

Sharing this makes it clearer for me and reminds me to be more conscientious in my decisions. How about you, my dear readers? What would you like to do this Lent, to know Christ more fully, and let Him more into your life? Feel free to post your comments. God bless!

Here I Am, Lord.

I staged a personal strike against God last week. I deliberately toyed with a plan that I knew went against His will for me, because I felt like pushing it. I wrestled with God. Guess who won.

Some kind of spiritual virus I might have caught somewhere caused me to think that I could go ahead with such plan, and that God would still bless me for He cannot help Himself. And then, the classic elder son syndrome crossed my mind, "After all, He blesses even the disobedient, the sinful, and the selfish. I just want this little thing. It's harmless. Surely I don't have to be obedient and proper all the time."

Never mind what my plan was. I hardly had time to hatch it! I was still trying to justify why I wanted it in the first place, when I received an invitation to a healing mass followed by a concert. I found myself saying yes even if I wasn't sure what it was going to be about. When I got there, lo and behold, it was a concelebrated mass. And God spoke to me there.

He showed me that I was just setting myself up again for heartache and failure. He showed me that He wanted to prevent me from getting hurt again, and that He was not withholding anything good from me. He reminded me of His personal love for me as His daughter. It took me a while to process what He meant.

So He spoke again. I went to mass the next day, and the priest spoke about obedience. I looked up to the ceiling and told God, "Yes, Lord, I can hear you. I will obey you." During communion, the choir sang an old song - Here I am, Lord. It always speaks to me about responding to God's call. I had to smile despite myself. I can run; but I can't hide.

Yesterday, being a first Sunday, was my turn again to be Lector. I read during my prayer time what was assigned to Lector I. There I saw Isaiah's words, where the song came from, and where my lifelong response came from:

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,
“Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?”
“Here I am,” I said; “send me!” (Isaiah 6:8, NAB)

I just don't know how to get there. My will is not yet in accord with His will. The How, I believe, shall be revealed in due time.

Can't You Stay With Me for Forty-Five Minutes?

Forty-five minutes. I can do a lot in 45 minutes.

I can walk or jog around the UP Oval. I can watch an episode of Glee. I can sing 12 songs on the videoke machine. I can bake lasagna. I can lose myself on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. I can read a few chapters from a good book. I can get a foot spa.

The mass I attended yesterday ended 45 minutes later than usual, but instead of focusing on the blessing and grace present, I was mentally ticking away the clock and things I could have done with the "lost" time.

It was the weekly Sunday mass at our parish, which also happened to be a Charismatic mass. The priest led us in the renewal of our baptismal promises and blessed us all with holy water at the start of the mass. Then, after communion, Fr. Brian encouraged us to approach the altar if we wanted to offer ourselves to God and to receive a special, personal blessing.

Usually, altar calls would yield a few willing souls who would stand up in front and be prayed over. To Fr. Brian's and the congregation's surprise, almost everyone in church lined up while the choir was singing the song meant for our reflection. Fr. Brian said, "Bear with me, I will approach you all and pray for you."

In hindsight, it must have been the Nazareno season. Filipinos celebrated the annual observance of what had simply been known as the Fiesta of the Nazareno last Saturday, with over two million people flocking just to see and touch the image of the Black Nazarene.

It could have been the start of the new year and the desire to receive a prayer, a blessing, a new "baptism", that led people to the altar. It could have been the Holy Spirit moving in the hearts and minds of my brothers and sisters in the parish.

Whatever the reason, I was not immediately grateful for the long wait to be prayed over. Fr. Brian could have said a generic blessing for everyone and whisked holy water on us all. But no. He prayed over each one, and when my turn came, I understood what it was about. I looked at Fr. Brian's smiling face and tired eyes, and received the prayer. When he placed his hands on my head and prayed for me, specifically, I felt like I was being blessed, like my sins were being washed away, like God was getting me started for a new mission for the year.

I regretted all the impatient thoughts that ran in my head while waiting for Fr. Brian to get to my end of the line. While the choir was singing "STILL" by Hillsong, I was restless. I was thinking of the lettuce I wanted to buy to go with our steak for family lunch. I was tempted to get the baskets of offerings and to start counting the money donations so I could slip away quietly and quickly to cook the steak. I felt the heaviness of my bag and regretted all the unnecessary things I put in there. I wanted to sit down as my legs grew tired of standing and waiting.

Waiting. We all know I am not good with that.

Fr. Brian thanked us all for our patience and I felt all the more that God was smiling down on me. After mass, I expected Fr. Brian to be exhausted and regretful of his decision to offer to pray for people. Instead, he was exuberant and rejuvenated. He said that they (the MGL fathers who were in charge of our parish) had always wanted to do that - to offer individual prayers. He was very happy that a lot of people responded to the altar call.

My heart was put in its proper place. I realized that God wanted to bless me, and I must have been a sight, thinking of all the things I had planned to do "after mass". Half the people had left the church by the time mass had ended, but those of us who waited were in for more blessings. It was not for God's benefit that we were asked to stay. It was for our own personal time of prayer and reflection. It was for us to be prayed over and to be baptized, just as Jesus was baptized in the river Jordan, which was the Gospel for that day.

I am a latecomer in terms of spending an hour with Jesus in the blessed sacrament. It is something I want to do more often, if not regularly, starting this year. The experience of waiting in line was not empty waiting at all; it was waiting with Jesus, and waiting for Jesus. I am glad that God took away my blindness to His grace.

I am readier to face the challenges and to embrace the triumphs of the year. Thank you, Lord.

Christmas Greetings

This blogger wishes everyone a happy Christmas. May the mad rush to this day - dawn masses, traffic jams, endless parties, shopping sprees, wrapping marathons, and office deadlines - make way to a more meaningful season, characterized by a quiet hope and centering on Jesus, spent with lovedones, and savored in prayer. I know of nothing more beautiful than love shared between God and His people, and among brothers and sisters. The best gift we have received and will ever receive is Jesus. The wait is over.

From my heart to yours, Merry Christmas, everyone.

Hope for the Filipinos

Yesterday I watched a play, I AM NINOY. It is about the lives of two of our modern-day heroes, Benigno "Ninoy" Aquino Jr. and Corazon Aquino. I was moved to tears on several scenes.

I cried when a father had to leave his wife and child just to earn a living abroad.

I cried when somebody died and they played the last notes of our national anthem.

I cried the longest when I saw Tita Cory's pictures flashed on screen.

The play encourages everyone to be a hero. It was done even before Tita Cory died, so it was not staged as part of Noynoy's presidential campaign, and, fittingly, it has won several awards. The performances were convincing and powerful. The message was timely and beautiful.

I found some parts to be dragging, however, as too much attention to details was given, but overall, I took away a feeling of nationalism and heroism. The Filipino in the writers could not help including all themes from drama to comedy in one play, true to the chop suey mentality of our culture.

When I think of the victims of natural and man-made disasters in the Philippines, I am moved to tears. But the Advent readings are filled with hope! I imagine we are the people being described here, and that God will restore and heal us, and will triumph over our enemies. I put my trust in God for the Filipino people. I will read this for mass today with so much hope.

December 6, 2009


Second Sunday of Advent Lectionary: 6

Reading 1
Bar 5:1-9

Jerusalem, take off your robe of mourning and misery;
put on the splendor of glory from God forever:
wrapped in the cloak of justice from God,
bear on your head the mitre
that displays the glory of the eternal name.
For God will show all the earth your splendor:
you will be named by God forever
the peace of justice, the glory of God’s worship.

Up, Jerusalem! stand upon the heights;
look to the east and see your children
gathered from the east and the west
at the word of the Holy One,
rejoicing that they are remembered by God.
Led away on foot by their enemies they left you:
but God will bring them back to you
borne aloft in glory as on royal thrones.
For God has commanded
that every lofty mountain be made low,
and that the age-old depths and gorges
be filled to level ground,
that Israel may advance secure in the glory of God.
The forests and every fragrant kind of tree
have overshadowed Israel at God’s command;
for God is leading Israel in joy
by the light of his glory,
with his mercy and justice for company.


Responsorial Psalm
Ps 126:1-2, 2-3, 4-5, 6

R. (3) The Lord has done great things for us; we are filled with joy.
When the LORD brought back the captives of Zion,
we were like men dreaming.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with rejoicing.
R. The Lord has done great things for us; we are filled with joy.
Then they said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
The LORD has done great things for us;
we are glad indeed.
R. The Lord has done great things for us; we are filled with joy.
Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like the torrents in the southern desert.
Those who sow in tears
shall reap rejoicing.
R. The Lord has done great things for us; we are filled with joy.
Although they go forth weeping,
carrying the seed to be sown,
They shall come back rejoicing,
carrying their sheaves.
R. The Lord has done great things for us; we are filled with joy.


Reading II
Phil 1:4-6, 8-11

Brothers and sisters:
I pray always with joy in my every prayer for all of you,
because of your partnership for the gospel
from the first day until now.
I am confident of this,
that the one who began a good work in you
will continue to complete it
until the day of Christ Jesus.
God is my witness,
how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.
And this is my prayer:
that your love may increase ever more and more
in knowledge and every kind of perception,
to discern what is of value,
so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,
filled with the fruit of righteousness
that comes through Jesus Christ
for the glory and praise of God.


Gospel
Lk 3:1-6

In the fifteenth year of the reign of Tiberius Caesar,
when Pontius Pilate was governor of Judea,
and Herod was tetrarch of Galilee,
and his brother Philip tetrarch of the region
of Ituraea and Trachonitis,
and Lysanias was tetrarch of Abilene,
during the high priesthood of Annas and Caiaphas,
the word of God came to John the son of Zechariah in the desert.
John went throughout the whole region of the Jordan,
proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins,
as it is written in the book of the words of the prophet Isaiah:
A voice of one crying out in the desert:
“Prepare the way of the Lord,
make straight his paths.
Every valley shall be filled
and every mountain and hill shall be made low.
The winding roads shall be made straight,
and the rough ways made smooth,
and all flesh shall see the salvation of God.”

Bo Sanchez on KCon

An update from my previous post. In the Soulfood Newsletter which I received in my email Inbox, Bo Sanchez apologized for the lunch issue. I'm pasting his apology below:

Now For My Apologies

I deeply apologize for what happened during lunchtime.

Araneta Coliseum has this bizarre rule that says participants can’t go out of the Coliseum without buying a new ticket in the afternoon.

Days before the event, we tried hard to convince the Araneta management to change this bizarre rule. But they didn’t budge. A rule is a rule, they said.

Again, I’m deeply sorry for any inconvenience this has caused you. There are just some things we have no control over—and this was one of them.

I’ve already spoken my personal opinion to my team: That if Araneta doesn’t change their unreasonable rules (there are others I’d rather not talk about here), we’ll hold the KCon in another place next year.

The KCon is for you—and I’ll do everything to make it great for you!

Ok, brother Bo. I have seen my share of venue and food arrangements issues with regard to huge conferences, and I do understand that there are constraints that organizers have to live with. I think that the people were blessed during the conference and that the hunger was worth it; even a choice for some.

A Tale of Hunger

I do not have all the answers to the questions raised by this story, but I will share it anyway. For it is a true story.

If there is one world problem I would like to solve, it is hunger. I know it is linked to poverty, but for me, specifically, it is hunger. Maybe this is my road to creating my own Soup Kitchen. So whenever I hear of people unable to eat, whether women, children, businessmen, or laymen, I cringe and I want to give them a sandwich. Immediately.

I guess I take this from my father, who is celebrating his 74th birthday today. He taught us the value of a full stomach, and this in turn made me want to share it to the whole wide world. I know. It sounds like my head is up in the clouds.

There are times when I am faced with reality and I feel a sinking feeling in my stomach. Last night, I had such an experience.

My young friends from the parish were given tickets to the Kerygma Conference being held this weekend at the Araneta Coliseum by our parish priest, Fr Steve Tynan, mgl. I sent one of them a sandwich, although I later found out that six young people attended. My regret is that I did not plan ahead about the meal aspect of their day.

I watched the conference online via video streaming while puttering around the house. I overheard an announcement that meal stubs were being sold so people could get affordable food. I said to myself, "There you go. Food will be available for the 10,000 people in attendance." And I went about cleaning the house, updating my Christmas list, and planning my holiday menu.

One of the youth leaders who is now a single professional is staying with me while my parents are away. When she got home, I asked her how the day went. She excitedly told me about the inspiring speakers, the beautiful songs, and the nice giveaways. True to form, I asked her what they had for lunch. Being one of the first to start working, Jobelle always ends up spending for her younger friends, a practice that Fr. Steve and I warned her, and Julie, another working member of the youth group, against. They should know how and when to say No, and to start saving for themselves.

Before answering me, Jobelle's face fell and she said, "Ate, we didn't have proper lunch."

My heart sank. I asked why. She said, "We thought we could go out to buy lunch. But the guards would not let us out. It was allegedly 'Araneta policy' that people had to buy lunch from the vendors. But we could not afford the food. Not for six people. So we pooled our money together and bought hotdogs and fries, the only food we could afford. We just ignored our hunger and concentrated on dreaming BIG, as the conference emphasized."

A thousand thoughts raced through my mind. How could this have happened? I had been to the Araneta before with a water bottle and I remembered being required to leave it at the baggage counter. It was Araneta policy that spectators could only buy water, necessary for man's survival, from their authorized vendors.

It was frustrating to hear that. Since the young people could not bring food in, they would be forced to spend P495 on a pan of pizza that would not appease their hunger, as for them lunch would not be complete without rice. Jobelle said they were prepared not to eat again today, and it was not a problem.

I had a problem with that, however. How many among the 10,000 people in attendance knew beforehand that they could not: 1) bring their own food and drinks; 2) choose where to buy their food and drinks? It would have been more acceptable had the vendors carried lunch items on the P50 below range, which was all Jobelle and her group expected.

I hurriedly packed whatever food I could into a bag and firmly told Jobelle to bring it. They were to eat it before entering the Araneta Coliseum. I woke up this morning and found that Jobelle had left to attend the morning mass at their chapel before going to the conference.

I know it is the Kerygma brothers and sisters' dream to gather tens of thousands of people to worship and praise God, and to be inspired to surrender their dreams to God. But. I would rather that they had arranged for decent, affordable food for everyone with the owners of the venue first; and if that venue is strict, they should have chosen another venue.

I have nothing against the Aranetas, the Araneta Coliseum, or the Araneta Center. I grew up with fond memories of Fiesta Carnival, Ali Mall, SM the one and only ShoeMart, National Book Store, and Rustans. As an adult, I frequent Gateway Mall and am a fan of Cafe Bola. I bring my nephews to Disney on Ice and watch concerts with my friends at the Coliseum. Once, I joined my Lingkod brothers and sisters for a dance performance on stage, loved it, and vowed that "I will be back, Araneta."

I think, however, that somebody ought to give them feedback of the impact of their "no food and drinks allowed" policy. People should be allowed to go out for lunch. Otherwise it is almost criminal, detaining people against their will, and curtailing their freedom to choose. And their right to eat.

Hunger of these particular people may be a personal concern for me, and I will take steps to correct it. I told Jobelle to bring the young people here after the conference and I will feed them again. I have seen them grow into mature, responsible, and generous people, and it makes me happy to be part of that growth. I am not giving them fish, but I am also teaching them how to fish. I am part of a group of "older" people who support the youth ministry of our parish and the MGL in Manila. This is the new ministry that God led me to, after the single young professionals, and I have grown to love it.

I cannot help God solve world hunger instantly and permanently. But I can do whatever I can, whenever I can, wherever I can, to keep some people from being hungry. One meal at a time. For we are called to be God's hands.

Ella Learns from Eleazar

Today we reflect on what Eleazar said and did for the love of God. He is a shining example for us since he did not waver in his faith and even died for it. Would that every Christian reasoned like he did. I am inspired by him. Emphasis below all mine. Those are the lines that struck me.

From today's first reading:

Reading 1
2 Mc 6:18-31

Eleazar, one of the foremost scribes,
a man of advanced age and noble appearance,
was being forced to open his mouth to eat pork.
But preferring a glorious death to a life of defilement,
he spat out the meat,
and went forward of his own accord to the instrument of torture,
as people ought to do who have the courage to reject the food
which it is unlawful to taste even for love of life.
Those in charge of that unlawful ritual meal took the man aside privately,
because of their long acquaintance with him,
and urged him to bring meat of his own providing,
such as he could legitimately eat,
and to pretend to be eating some of the meat of the sacrifice
prescribed by the king;
in this way he would escape the death penalty,
and be treated kindly because of their old friendship with him.
But Eleazar made up his mind in a noble manner,
worthy of his years, the dignity of his advanced age,
the merited distinction of his gray hair,
and of the admirable life he had lived from childhood;
and so he declared that above all
he would be loyal to the holy laws given by God.

He told them to send him at once
to the abode of the dead, explaining:
“At our age it would be unbecoming to make such a pretense;
many young people would think the ninety-year-old Eleazar
had gone over to an alien religion.
Should I thus pretend for the sake of a brief moment of life,
they would be led astray by me,
while I would bring shame and dishonor on my old age.
Even if, for the time being, I avoid the punishment of men,
I shall never, whether alive or dead,
escape the hands of the Almighty.
Therefore, by manfully giving up my life now,
I will prove myself worthy of my old age,
and I will leave to the young a noble example
of how to die willingly and generously
for the revered and holy laws.”

Eleazar spoke thus,
and went immediately to the instrument of torture.
Those who shortly before had been kindly disposed,
now became hostile toward him because what he had said
seemed to them utter madness.
When he was about to die under the blows,
he groaned and said:
“The Lord in his holy knowledge knows full well that,
although I could have escaped death,
I am not only enduring terrible pain in my body from this scourging,
but also suffering it with joy in my soul
because of my devotion to him.”
This is how he died,
leaving in his death a model of courage
and an unforgettable example of virtue
not only for the young but for the whole nation.