Instant New Year's Eve Party!

Ate Ella, we have a gift for you. It's heavy and we want to go to your house to deliver it...

You're still sick? You don't have to feed us, don't worry.

Can Fr. Brian come, too, please?

Now we sang in four masses already and we're verrry hungry....

Thanks to you, Mommy and Daddy for hosting our instant party! Happy New Year!

About Us

Wala lang. I just googled "Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon" and came across this writeup, which from the looks of it seems to have been lifted from the official documents that we have in Lingkod. So here's a link to an article about Lingkod, the community that up until very recently, was my world.

I'm still very attached, obviously. What am I doing googling its name in the middle of the night? Tsk, tsk. I'm having withdrawal symptoms already. What happened, why the change you may ask? There's no drama and nothing unexpected occurred. The day just came, after seven years in the same branch, when I felt God was encouraging me to investigate a covenanted community. The desire for lifelong discipleship - not just for a period in my life - grew in me. I got invited to investigate too and after months of prayer, decided to let go of Lingkod as an active member and pursue this other community we also belong to, as a partner-in-mission. It's like I'm moving to a bigger house in the same compound. I already miss the small, cramped house with all the noise and the familiar faces, however.

Since the bigger house is opening its doors, I wouldn't want to miss this opportunity to walk right in and see if there's something in it for me. For life. In Christ's Youth in Action (CYA), our motto was Kay Kristo Buong Buhay Habambuhay. I stayed in Lingkod after CYA to continue living for Christ. Now it's time to move, I guess.

I'm a pilgrim and the journey continues.

Cover the World with Love

This is the duet recorded on cellphone that's why the colors aren't that sharp. The voices came out clear, though. Luigi, 9 and Miko, 7 singing "Cover the World with Love" which they learned from their school Centro Montessori. They sang this before opening their gifts on Christmas day. I told them their song is the best Christmas gift I received. What a beautiful gift for Jesus!

The Little Things

I’m doing this “rest” thing. The guilt is there but I’m trying to ignore it. After living to please most of my life and feeling bad whenever I have to let others down, this is most definitely new territory.

I disappointed one circle of friends as I refused to travel all the way down south to have dinner with a classmate I had neither seen nor heard from in the last decade. I don’t have the energy – physical and fuel – to go the distance. If they’re really my friends, they’ll still talk to me someday. I hope.

I disappointed former colleagues who wanted my opinion and inputs on a couple of things we used to work together on. I had to say no. I’m not emergency-room-sick but I’m nursing a cough, and all of a sudden, the bed sounds more inviting than digging up old files and putting my brain to work. I can’t even imagine getting started on the writing required for that. Sorry if I seem to be a bit irresponsible and downright selfish with my time, but really, I ache for rest.

Yesterday, I had coffee with a sister, slept a lot, watched “The Best of FRIENDS” (a wonderful Christmas gift from Kuya Dan and Peeya), and went to mass. Today I had coffee with my spiritual uncle, went for a short walk, watched “Sideways” on cable, and heard mass. I noticed that our community had been upgraded because there’s now a Jollibee along Don Antonio. I also bought “our daily bread”, but more like every-other-day bread because my parents and I don’t consume a loaf of Gardenia everyday. We share some with the three carpenters who are working on Mama’s dirty kitchen.

Re “Sideways”, it was a movie that appealed to me given what I’m going through. I could relate to the character played by Paul Giamatti, a recent divorcee who wrote a book that would not be published. He tried to do the right thing most of his life, except that he particularly loved wine and drank too much once in a while, making him mover over to the “dark side”, as his best friend put it. He also fell for a wonderful woman, an attractive waitress, but he was shy and reluctant to approach her. He eventually did. I love happy endings. His book didn’t get published but he had one woman who believed in him. He could go back to teaching and life would not be so incomplete anymore.

I looked at the books on my table and searched for the unwritten novel in my mind. I remembered my fear of publishers and editors, as well as rejections. I blog because this is freedom from all that. I have a book entitled “How to Get Happily Published” but I haven’t even read page one.

I’m also doing the job-hunting thing but on a very minor level. It’s a bad time to send out applications because it’s year-end and nobody’s scheduling interviews. I should take my sweet time and enjoy the Christmas Octave.

All that wine-tasting in “Sideways” made me thirsty, actually. It was a wish that was immediately granted, for my parents and I planned our New Year’s Eve menu afterwards and it would include, I happily noted, uncorking the recent bottle of fruity dessert wine that my Ate sent us from Australia. The simplest of pleasures are indeed the easiest to satisfy.

What am I doing New Year’s Eve? Barry Manilow crooned in my Martha Steward Living Holiday Music CD. I would most probably be cooking, going to mass, eating, and drinking with my parents. Most likely, we’d be guarding the phone for overseas and local calls from the rest of the family distributed elsewhere in the world. I would probably send out text messages wishing my friends a Happy New Year.

I would be an unpublished, unwritten character but it would not matter. I would be home.

Now Playing: Unwritten

Listened intently to the lyrics of this one tonight, and found out I could relate. I am unwritten.


Unwritten
NATASHA BEDINGFIELD


I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

Cruz-Herrera- Del Rosario Christmas 2006

Christmas Day 2006 at Don Antonio Heights - we were treated to a duet from Luigi and Miko, a visit from Tito Noel's seven kids, and a mini-piano recital. Here are the photos we took.


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You will see our small belen that Miko re-arranged. He said I did it all wrong because my arrangement was facing the Christmas tree. The belen should face the people, he said. Quite right, my little boy.

Their duet is really beautiful, however, we could not show much appreciation. Luigi almost did not perform because he said he didn't want people to be too proud of him. He said that to his biggest fans - Lolo, Lola, Mommy, Daddy, and Tita Ella. So after the performance, we could only give a thumbs-up sign and say, "That's cool, Luigi and Miko". We couldn't clap to show our appreciation. He's right, though. We are too proud of him sometimes.

And then, Tito Noel's youngest kids sang Tagalog Christmas carols while I played the piano. All in all it was a very nice visit.

Nine Mornings

For the first time, I was able to complete the Simbang Gabi, the dawn novena masses held nine days before Christmas, which is a uniquely Filipino tradition.

Not being a morning person, I was always one or a few days short every year, as the novena fell in the middle of Christmas party, shopping and caroling season. Either my different priorities or my lack of dawn willpower prevented me from succeeding. I had several law school friends who were able to do the novena before the bar results came out; other friends just found it easy to wake up to the misa de gallo. As for me, not even the promise of my favorite bibingka and puto bumbong could entice me to give up my precious sleep.

This year was different. I had the same killer schedule - caroling and caroling practices; a Christmas concert; Christmas parties; token Christmas shopping; and a mountain of work to finish or turnover in Lingkod. I had every excuse to turn off the alarm at 3:30 a.m. But something woke me up as strongly as freshly brewed coffee and a persistent celebrity trainer.

I was a woman with a petition. This year had been a struggle in direction and a test of faith. I almost lost my bearings due to the despair brought about by the circumstances I found myself in. Sometime last November, Fr. Geoffrey suggested I attend the Simbang Gabi and offer “my next step” (the proverbial question) as my intention. Thinking it was going to be every 5 a.m., I thought I could manage that.

In early December, I found out that the dawn mass was going to be held at 4:00 a.m. I tried to ask that the schedule be moved later, but found out I had no bargaining power. It was simply more beautiful, I was told, to have it early in the morning. The cool breeze and the interrupted sleep was part of the sacrifice, I was further advised.

I sometimes had friends who attended with me, once my father accompanied me, but mostly I was alone. Morning after morning I attended mass, sleep-deprived yet soul-enriched. There was something very personal in what I was doing – everything was a prayer, from the waking up, to the travel time, to the entire mass, to the relating after. I did not hear God speaking directly or loudly, but I felt I had a purpose for doing it, and that is to bring my petition to the Lord repeatedly.

This morning, I was given a “spiritual certificate of completion of Simbang Gabi” by the MGLs. I had a sense of accomplishment, something that had become a rarity. I felt peace, hope, joy, and love in my heart. It was unexplainable.

I served in the 10 a.m. mass as lector. At 10 p.m. later, my parents and I will attend the “midnight mass”, anticipated Christmas mass in the parish. In twenty-four hours, I would have attended three masses. It’s another record first.

I’m setting personal records here, insignificant to none except me and my God, who knows how much it took, and who knows where He is taking me.

His love truly awakes the dawn, as the Song of St. Patrick goes. Tomorrow is Christmas. I cannot help being happy, for our Savior is born. And there is something more joyful in receiving Someone you have waited for. Having journeyed with Mary and Joseph the past nine days, I am more open to receive Jesus Christ tonight in my life. It is His love that I can give away anew.

The One with the Bomb and the Brownout

Sometimes I just need to write as a form of breather from all that's been happening.

Yesterday, after years of not going there, my mom and I went to Fairview Center Mall to do grocery-shopping, away from the madding crowd. I was dazed from dysmenorrhea so I stayed in the car while Mama finished up paying. Then we made several stops to buy merienda for the Banal na Puso Choir who were going to sing carols at our house last night. We learned from the different stores that the brownout in our area was to last for twelve (12) hours, from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.

The show must go on, so we did receive the carolers and they sang by candlelight. It was more dramatic that way, and I loved the scents of my seldom-used candles. They weren't able to appreciate the last-minute decorating that we did for the house, but that's fine. They didn't notice the rest of the mess either, so that's a blessing in disguise. Papa requested his favorite, "Payapang Daigdig" and the carolers didn't disappoint him. The MGLs were there as well - I know, in this busy season for priests, what a blessing huh- and made the night more special by singing carols along with everyone else. We all spent time talking, not minding the brownout.

Power returned barely an hour after they left. Then we saw the newsflash: "Two grenades found under parked vehicle in Fairview Center Mall". I suddenly mouthed a prayer of thanksgiving - for God is with us! He kept us safe from harm and we did not even know about what was going on around us. So focused were we on the business at hand, that in this case, ignorance truly is bliss.

I was led to deeper reflection and offered more prayers in gratitude to God's goodness.

Without much preparation, Advent arrived with its message of hope, peace, joy and love. I wanted to focus on it and not the external activities that Filipinos like to cram December with, but how could I not be swept by the goings-on around me?

Telltale signs that the air has changed include the presence of more beggars (I cannot stop poverty or hunger, but when a child asks for food after I hand him a coin it just breaks my heart!), the mushrooming of road repairs (some people need to justify their budget and/or report some work done within their districts), and don't get me started on the traffic jams caused by the endless shopping, partying, caroling and homecoming. I have been experiencing a constant headache for the past couple of weeks because of the traffic in Metro Manila.

There are some beautiful changes as well - the metropolis is brighter with all the Christmas lights adorning the streets and buildings; the songs fill the air, at first with sadness at all the memories and longings that fill our hearts, but then with hints of things to come that work to shift our focus to better days ahead; the reunions, parties, weddings and baptisms make each day special for all of us. Neighbors bring food, friends send wrapped packages, and strangers smile at each other. It is a festive season, and it's not even Christmas yet.

Simbang Gabi and Christmas caroling with Lingkod QC have ruined my sleep, that's true, but they're great reasons to stay awake for. I love the smells and sounds of Simbang Gabi, with my body now a bit used to hearing homilies, several times piercing my heart with their challenges and questions, at dawn. If I had been a photographer I would have an album now of all the pictures that I see - of a child standing beside the Christmas tree made of red and green lanterns at our parish car park; of the blue cross perched atop our parish silently announcing hope at dawn; of the children flocking to kiss the hand of the priest after mass. I live to write about them as I don't own a camera good enough to capture those beautiful moments.

This week we shall visit houses of Lingkod families to share the good news that Jesus came to save us all. It is an exciting week.

It will also be a busy week, as I have three more days here in Lingkod Office to finish all the work I could manage and turnover properly. I committed myself to give a talk on Decision - Making to graduating seniors on Friday, not knowing how to convincingly speak of discernment when I myself, more than a decade after graduation, am still in that process. Or maybe that's why I was meant to give this talk, to show them that discernment is a way of life for disciples.

I attended my last prayer meeting at Lingkod Quezon City last week. I'm pretty sure it will take some time before it all sinks in. Almost seven years well spent, and now it's time to move on. Move on to where, I'm always asked. Without job and community, what shall I be doing now?

I walk on with less fear and more hope now. Without control of the situation, I am led in faith to believe that God has a plan for my life, and His plan is for my welfare and not for woe. Jeremiah 29:11-13 has become a mantra that I read over and over. It is how I see Jesus coming in my life, and I say yes to Him even if I don't understand. Nor did I want things to turn out this way. He makes all things new, that I'm certain of. So nothing, no bomb, no brownout, could separate me from His love. I experienced a beautiful day yesterday, surrounded by friends and family, on what was literally a dark day. What more the rest of my life, where God can make miracles, for with Him nothing is impossible.

All that remains now, as always, is the waiting.

Sing, Rejoice in Gladness!

Lingkod in Metro Manila (GMMMACQ) celebrated Christmas by singing carols per branch this afternoon. We invited families and friends.

The QC sisters after pulling off "Pamaskong Anyaya", "The Best Gift of All" and "Christmas Praise". The brothers could not make it to the picture. They said my "sermons" helped them to remember the songs. And I thought I was simply motivating them with impassioned speeches and exhortations...

With some of the fans who came to support us...

... And my very own fans club.

I had a headache the whole time but it was worth it. To sing forever of God's love, especially this season of hope, is worth the pain.

This headache is brought to me by the 4 a.m. Simbang Gabi at the Parish of St. Benedict. What a character-building experience! Hopefully I could finally complete the Nine Mornings.

Blue Jeans!

Nakakatawa lang na lampas na ako sa kalendaryo, nakaka-relate pa rin ako sa kantang ito ng Apo Hiking Society, na ni-remake ng RocksTeddy sa CD na Kami NAPO Muna: A Tribute to Apo Hiking Society.

Kinanta namin ito nung third year high school ako. III-Calvin sa Manila Science High School. Nanalo kami, Linggo ng Wika noon. Ang costume namin - white shirt at siyempre, kupas na maong! First place kami of course. Sana Calvin pa rin...

BLUE JEANS

[verse 1]
Nandidito kami ngayon
Nagsusumikap sa araw-araw
Kayod ng kayod hanggan’ sa mapagod
Maagapan ang natatanaw

Paminsan-minsan ay naglalaro
Pag-ibig lang ang di ginagawang biro
Kung sa tuksuhan lang hindi pahuhuli
Kinabukasan ay tinatabi

Paminsan-minsan ay nabibigo
Sakit sa puso ay hindi maitago
Ngunit tuloy pa rin hindi pinapansin
Ang kabuhayan ang intindihin

[verse 2]
Blue jeans
Alam mo ba ano ang ibig sabihin
Ng ating pagsisikap sa ’skwela
Blue jeans
Di na lang iwanan ang pag-aaral
At sama-sama tayong magsaya

Ngunit ang kabataan daw ay kayamanan
Huwag daw basta’t itapon at pabayaan
Kaya magsikap tayo habang may panahon pa
Mag-aral at mag-ipon tayo ng karunungan

[verse 3]
Blue jeans
Sige-sige-sige kayod sa ’skwela
At balang araw makikita n’yo
Blue jeans
Pagkatapos ng iyong paghihirap
Di ka rin makakahanap ng trabaho

Sino ba silang nagmamarunong sa buhay
Huwag sana silang makialam sa ‘king buhay
Anong kinabukasan pagkatapos sa eskwela
Huwag ng isipin at baka mangamba ka pa

[chorus]
Kay tagal-tagal ko ng nag-aaral
Tingnan mo kupas na ang aking maong, yeah!
Kung akala mo ako ay natuto na
Hindi pa rin

[repeat chorus]

[repeat verse 3]

Blue jeans
Blue jeans
Blue jeans
Blue jeans

Blue jeans
Alam mo ba ano ang ibig sabihin
Ng ating pagsisikap sa ’skwela
Blue jeans
Di na lang iwanan ang pag-aaral
At sama-sama tayong magsaya

Blue jeans
Sige-sige-sige kayod sa ’skwela
At balang araw makikita n’yo
Blue jeans
Pagkatapos ng iyong paghihirap
Di ka rin makakahanap ng trabaho

Blue jeans
Blue jeans
Blue jeans (Eto na)
Blue jeans

Recently on QTV...

The QT's had another wedding last November - Jojo and Vine. In photo with me are Nenen, Gay and Abby. I'd like to thank our brother Sunday, florist, singer and artist extraordinaire for sharing this photo.

I missed a friend's wedding a couple of weeks ago - I was trapped somewhere and didn't have the time to enter into production for wedding-guest-best. I hope she forgives me. I haven't texted her yet!

This weekend, will attend another wedding in Lingkod. I think it's the wedding of the year, for we can have a quorum of the Lingkod Board of Directors and Charter Members among the guests. As usual I'll be singing. Gotta prepare enough lovin' feelin' for that.

AGAP BIKOL

From SIMBAHANG LINGKOD NG BAYAN (SLB) and ADMU Disaster Response and Management (DREAM) Team:

AGAP BIKOL extended

Reports from Civil Defense Officials as of December 6, 2006

- 526 dead mostly around Mayon volcano and another 740 missing

- 1.54 million people affected nearly 83,000 of whom sought refuge at evacuation centers

- More than 250,000 damaged houses and damage to buildings, infrastructure and agriculture placed at P1.6 billion

- Power facilities in Albay valued at about P200 million destroyed and power restoration may take more than six (6) months (Albay Electric Coop)

Relief and Rehabilitation Program

- P100,000.00 relief fund personally released to Fr. Jovic Lobrigo (Diocese of Legaspi Social Action Center Director) who visited SLB Office last December 4

- P50,000.00 rehabilitation fund released through Ateneo de Naga University's Center for Community Development headed by Mr. Nono Sto. Domingo

- Initial construction materials purchased to be shuttled to Naga December 6 evening due to reports of shortage in construction supplies

- SLB-ADMU Dream Team Batch 1 leaving December 6 evening for Naga operations. Batch 2 leaving December 7 evening for Albay operations.

- Team of Professional Psychologists from various institutions (ADMU, DLSU, UGAT Foundation and CLC, among others) formed for Psycho-Social interventions as per request of the Diocese of Legaspi. Program will start December 7.

- Various goods being collected to be shuttled to Albay.

NEEDED:

- Volunteers for goods repacking. Details, as follows:

o December 8 (Friday) 8:00 p.m.

o Cervini Function Room (ADMU Male Residence Hall) back of Church of the Gesu

o Contact Person: Franco Soberano (0917-6442626) or Cervini Director Tim Gabuna (Tel. 426-6001 local 5900)

- Trucks for shuttling goods and construction materials

- Construction materials (G.I. Sheets, Plywood, Nails and other basics)

- Medicines for cough, colds and fever and surgical mask

- More food, preferably canned goods and noodles

- More funds

DONATION MECHANISM

=====================

GOODS

----------

You may directly donate the goods to the Cervini (Male Residence Hall) Function Room at the back of Church of the Gesu. Temporary AGAP BIKOL Relief Operation center can accept donation from 9:00 a.m. to 12:00 midnight . Contact person is Residence Hall Director Tim Gabuna. You may communicate with him through 426-6001 local 5902.

Priority: Food (Canned Goods, Noodles and other kinds with long shelf life) and Water

CASH/CHECK

-------------------

Direct deposits (online from any of the BPI branches) may be made to:

SIMBAHANG LINGKOD NG BAYAN (Account Name/Payee)

Bank of the Philippine Islands (Loyola-Katipunan Branch)

BPI Peso Checking Account Number 3081-1111-61

BPI Dollar Savings Account Number 3084-0420-12

For proper acknowledgment:

- Please fax a copy of the validated deposit slip to SLB through telefax 426-5968

- Kindly indicate contact information: Name, Address, Email, Mobile

- Those who wish to remain anonymous may skip this procedure

Or you may send it to

Loyola House of Studies (LHS)

Ateneo de Manila University

Loyola Heights , Quezon City

Telephone Number 426-6101

Time: 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m.

Official Receipts will be immediately issued to you by the LHS Lobby Porter.

For dollar remittances:

- You may purchase a Manager's Check and send it via any courier to SLB's address OR

- Course it via telegraphic transfer to BPI Dollar Account

Should there be any concerns, please contact:

MS. MARJORIE TEJADA

Telephone Number 426-6101 local 3440 (Office Hours)

Telefax 426-5968

Email: slb@slb.ph

MR. RC BATAC

SLB Project Officer for Socio-Economic Development

Mobile 0921-3509565

Email: rc2_adnu@atenista.net

SIMBAHANG LINGKOD NG BAYAN (SLB) and ADMU Disaster Response and Management (DREAM) Team

Even When Conceptions are not Immaculate...

We believe that Mama Mary was "conceived without sin". It doesn't mean that sex is perceived as sinful, for between a husband and his wife, this is a participation in the divine, a gift from the Creator to take part in creation. It is beautiful and miraculous. Mama Mary, however, did not possess original sin from birth, and she was chosen beforehand to be the mother of Jesus, the Son of God.

Some mothers-to-be, for a myriad of reasons, do not choose to let their babies see the light of day. Whether we like it or not, intentional abortion has become a solution, and the morality question is swept under the rug. Women have a choice what to do with their bodies, they say. I am a woman, and since I read from Scripture that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, I do choose what to do with my body - and that is to glorify who resides in it.

It is not time to judge, as I am not even a judge. Whether I like it or not, babies are aborted everyday. Given the right opportunity, I will do everything I can to stop this from being legalized in places such as the Philippines where it is still considered infanticide.

What made me cringe several times over was the news I read this morning. It occupied most of my prayer time and I was led to intercede and to ask others to pray with me, to offer mass intentions for today in this area.

This is the problem. I read in the Inquirer that Australia has lifted the ban on embryonic cell cloning for medical research. In therapeutic cloning, which was banned in 2002, the nucleus of a patient's skin cell is implanted in an egg. The new cell develops into an embryo from which stem cells are taken to grow new tissue. Do you know where the eggs are taken from? From aborted fetuses!

It makes me sick to think about this. They surely crossed the line, to my mind, of what extent a life can be used or abused to take another life. They want to give hope to ailing patients, but the end does not justify the means!

If pro-abortion proponents are saying there is no "taking of life" or killing that occurs, how come life taken from the fetus can be used to save another life??? The moral questions abound, and movies such as "The Island" about cloning only scratch the surface. My limited mind can only scratch the surface.

I was left to pray. And since today is the feast of the Immaculate Conception, I asked Mama Mary to pray for her children.

You can read the news from Australia's papers here.

The Youth are Alive!

They changed the lyrics to songs from The Sound of Music to serenade Fr. Steve on his birthday and the members of YOUTH ALIVE, the youth ministry of the Missionaries of God's Love in Manila, got their message across with choreography and pizzaz. He needs someone "cuter and nicer", and they are the charming kids for the job of, as they put it, taking care of their spiritual father. At the same time they need him, someone "older and wiser" to tell them what to do, for they are admittedly naive.

Thanks, Posh. It is a pleasure looking at the world with your eyes.

Even I, audience, critic and cameraman, was touched by their energy and enthusiasm. For they, unknowingly, are helping me out of my spiritual drowsiness, the one that is obviously being warned against by today's Gospel. They don't give me talks or preach to me, they just express love freely and share their talents and time generously. They remind me that I was once like them. And maybe I could be, again. Youth is relative. :)

I could go to the hills, that is, Batasan Hills (where most of them live), when my heart is lonely. And when I am sad, I could think of my favorite things!

Speaking of sad, I was watching Miko shoot baskets at our backyard when he stared at me and asked, "Tita, are you sad? You look sad." Awww. He's perceptive. Or I'm just plain transparent! I should get my act together.

I had forgotten that I made that list of favorite things before, to help me on a rainy day. Well this is not just a rainy day or a storm cloud I'm going through, but a super-typhoony year (for the country as well...). As the theme song from the TV show "Friends" goes, "It's like you're always stuck in second gear/ And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year..." I can't wait for my first sunshine-y day, and actually the whole country's. We all need a break from all these cha-cha-changes in our lives!

This is a season that the usual therapeutic things I seek can't heal. I seem to have read all the books, listened to all the songs, and talked to all the people, that used to make things right immediately. Instead, morning after morning, I still wake up with a cloud of sadness.

Now that it's Advent, it's the season of waiting for our Saviour. I have my recollection point clearly spelled out already: How can I say yes and give birth to Jesus in my life? I was identified as a resource person for this question. Thank goodness that they haven't asked for my response yet.

Surely the Holy Spirit can rekindle the fire in my heart and give a new, and positive, perspective. People are already planning my life for me, as they think that my waiting period is the best time to strike. If I intend to enjoy living independently, I should tell them I'm still here and they don't have to take over under emergency powers. I have a say on these things like how I spend my day, I seem to recall.

I really hope to wake up soon. Some dreams are turning into nightmares because I had been oversleeping.