Teenagers Today, Lingkoders Tomorrow: Hyvy, Gerry, Joseph, Jobelle, Patrick and Adam. Saan nagmana ng kashowbizan?
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Message Straight to the Heart
Haven’t paid attention to my health this week so I ended up sick with the works again. Headache, fever, cough, colds, body aches, the works! I’ve had one or two of those symptoms for weeks now but this morning I woke up at 3:16a.m. feeling like my body was burning with fever. I consulted Lingkod doctors and then dutifully took my medication and bed rest, even if my mind rebelled against canceling three appointments today.
Finally after lunch I felt I’ve had too much sleep already so I turned on the TV to EWTN. I caught the last few minutes of a special about St. Bernadette. Her impact on the world, especially in Lourdes, was featured there. Her uncorrupted body was shown and while watching, I told God that there is a certain degree of holiness that saints possessed that I could never, ever hope to achieve in my own life. I’ve been having some difficulties this week and I lifted up a prayer to God to help me see His love through my struggles.
At around 6 p.m. I had enough strength to have my prayer time. I wrote a simple reflection in my journal and asked God if He could love me despite my inability to even remotely exhibit saintly qualities on this earth. Then I had a sense of His presence! I don’t know how to describe it, but it was Love that I felt. I wrote about it – that I felt God enveloping me in His love, answering me with an immediate Yes that He loved me despite my sinfulness.
That strengthened me enough to make it to Lingkod’s First Friday mass. Fr. Steve gave a homily that left many bloodstains on the QT’s. He spoke about the call that each of us had to become saints. Then he asked us if we believed that we each had the capacity to be a saint. We either shook our heads or bowed them down because we could not say yes to his question. Then he decided to preach about that more as it seemed like a struggle for most of us. What he said wasn’t earth-shaking. It wasn’t rocket science. But it was the truth, and it was God’s Word, and it certainly landed on our hearts.
He preached about the kind of response that God expects from us. He said that we couldn’t plan our lives without giving room for the Holy Spirit to work in us. He said God would be pleased if we would stand before Him to say, “Here I am, Lord. I am a sinner. Use me.” He repeatedly said that we were called to be saints and I remembered my prayer after watching the life of St. Bernadette. I felt God responding to the question in my heart about His love for me.
What happened next sealed my fate, at least as far as God’s message for me went. Fr. Steve said, “God does not want a perfect heart. He wants your surrendered heart. God doesn’t want a perfect Ella. He wants a surrendered Ella”. He looked at me while saying this. Perfectionism has always been my struggle and it has been a hindrance in my service, my joy, and in my healing. There it was again, on a night I least expected it, drawn out from me and turned around in order to see what God was simply asking me to do.
A surrendered heart... My process of yielding has not ended. It has taken on a more difficult turn.
I thanked Fr. Steve for his homily. In fact, majority of the brothers and sisters approached him after mass and up to the fellowship to thank him for the message that they needed to hear today.
He smiled at me and said, “Just don’t blame me for the bloodstains on your shirt”. So he deliberately used me as an example, knowing I would be bloodied by the message.
But it was exactly what I needed to hear. It may take a lifetime for me to realize the unconditionality of God’s love for me, but moments like these bring me one step closer to appreciating such love.
Here I am, Lord. I am a sinner. Use me.
Finally after lunch I felt I’ve had too much sleep already so I turned on the TV to EWTN. I caught the last few minutes of a special about St. Bernadette. Her impact on the world, especially in Lourdes, was featured there. Her uncorrupted body was shown and while watching, I told God that there is a certain degree of holiness that saints possessed that I could never, ever hope to achieve in my own life. I’ve been having some difficulties this week and I lifted up a prayer to God to help me see His love through my struggles.
At around 6 p.m. I had enough strength to have my prayer time. I wrote a simple reflection in my journal and asked God if He could love me despite my inability to even remotely exhibit saintly qualities on this earth. Then I had a sense of His presence! I don’t know how to describe it, but it was Love that I felt. I wrote about it – that I felt God enveloping me in His love, answering me with an immediate Yes that He loved me despite my sinfulness.
That strengthened me enough to make it to Lingkod’s First Friday mass. Fr. Steve gave a homily that left many bloodstains on the QT’s. He spoke about the call that each of us had to become saints. Then he asked us if we believed that we each had the capacity to be a saint. We either shook our heads or bowed them down because we could not say yes to his question. Then he decided to preach about that more as it seemed like a struggle for most of us. What he said wasn’t earth-shaking. It wasn’t rocket science. But it was the truth, and it was God’s Word, and it certainly landed on our hearts.
He preached about the kind of response that God expects from us. He said that we couldn’t plan our lives without giving room for the Holy Spirit to work in us. He said God would be pleased if we would stand before Him to say, “Here I am, Lord. I am a sinner. Use me.” He repeatedly said that we were called to be saints and I remembered my prayer after watching the life of St. Bernadette. I felt God responding to the question in my heart about His love for me.
What happened next sealed my fate, at least as far as God’s message for me went. Fr. Steve said, “God does not want a perfect heart. He wants your surrendered heart. God doesn’t want a perfect Ella. He wants a surrendered Ella”. He looked at me while saying this. Perfectionism has always been my struggle and it has been a hindrance in my service, my joy, and in my healing. There it was again, on a night I least expected it, drawn out from me and turned around in order to see what God was simply asking me to do.
A surrendered heart... My process of yielding has not ended. It has taken on a more difficult turn.
I thanked Fr. Steve for his homily. In fact, majority of the brothers and sisters approached him after mass and up to the fellowship to thank him for the message that they needed to hear today.
He smiled at me and said, “Just don’t blame me for the bloodstains on your shirt”. So he deliberately used me as an example, knowing I would be bloodied by the message.
But it was exactly what I needed to hear. It may take a lifetime for me to realize the unconditionality of God’s love for me, but moments like these bring me one step closer to appreciating such love.
Here I am, Lord. I am a sinner. Use me.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
I'm Being Stubborn Again
Off-topic. Hmm as if this blog ever had a definite scope and limitation.
Lately I have been playing hide-and-seek with God. He seems to have remembered that I have scrapes, bruises and wounds that have accumulated over the years. I thought he forgot about them already as I had carefully applied concealer over them. Who likes to dwell on the past anyway? I thought He wanted me to move on.
All was going well for me then, except for the relative tiredness in my new job – it’s different when you work at something with all your heart all the time, as it could get exhausting – until I recognized the almost daily invitation during my prayer time to look deeper into some areas in my growing up years that I’d rather forget.
It was Jesus who was inviting, so I should not fear Him. But just like a child who refuses to let her father touch her wounds after she made a bad fall, I did not want to show Jesus my deepest pains anymore. I grew tired of them already.
I talked these out with a priest. He said I was letting Jesus down by giving up. What if the invitation is for my complete healing, on top of the forgiveness I thought I already gave before, on top of the understanding and acceptance I thought I already mustered before? I know it’s not just me but human nature to want to cover up, using layer upon layer, through the years.
The parts of me that I had forgotten through all the masks I had built even as I served God are catching up somehow.
I thought I was ok. I don’t like to be X-rayed this much by my God. I know He’d find the water in my lungs.
Lord, I pray for the grace to truly hope in You even in the most painful of memories, the toughest of insecurities, and the deepest of wounds that I have carried inside me. I don’t even know where to begin to ask for help for this. You alone could see through me. You alone could like what you would see. And you alone could heal me.
I trust that You agree that Merthiolate has been banned already ha.
Lately I have been playing hide-and-seek with God. He seems to have remembered that I have scrapes, bruises and wounds that have accumulated over the years. I thought he forgot about them already as I had carefully applied concealer over them. Who likes to dwell on the past anyway? I thought He wanted me to move on.
All was going well for me then, except for the relative tiredness in my new job – it’s different when you work at something with all your heart all the time, as it could get exhausting – until I recognized the almost daily invitation during my prayer time to look deeper into some areas in my growing up years that I’d rather forget.
It was Jesus who was inviting, so I should not fear Him. But just like a child who refuses to let her father touch her wounds after she made a bad fall, I did not want to show Jesus my deepest pains anymore. I grew tired of them already.
I talked these out with a priest. He said I was letting Jesus down by giving up. What if the invitation is for my complete healing, on top of the forgiveness I thought I already gave before, on top of the understanding and acceptance I thought I already mustered before? I know it’s not just me but human nature to want to cover up, using layer upon layer, through the years.
The parts of me that I had forgotten through all the masks I had built even as I served God are catching up somehow.
I thought I was ok. I don’t like to be X-rayed this much by my God. I know He’d find the water in my lungs.
Lord, I pray for the grace to truly hope in You even in the most painful of memories, the toughest of insecurities, and the deepest of wounds that I have carried inside me. I don’t even know where to begin to ask for help for this. You alone could see through me. You alone could like what you would see. And you alone could heal me.
I trust that You agree that Merthiolate has been banned already ha.
Despedida for Daniel-san
The theme song for the night was a song the first line of which went:
"Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane..."
The teenagers from Banal na Puso chapel could not help singing it; neither could the Missionaries of God's Love and the Lingkod QT's. The words just clicked, except the part about Spain.
Now, thanks to the royal delay of Royal Brunei airlines, Daniel's flight was actually delayed by seven hours. He's traveling today on a plane pala.
When young Adam sang for Kuya Daniel "All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go..." , the latter could not relate. He is the world's worst packer. I know, I saw him in action. Or inaction. I think he spells packing as p-a-n-i-c-k-i-n-g. He spent more hours worrying about how to fit all his souvenirs from the Philippines into one luggage than actually sorting them out into a logical conclusion. Pasaway to the very end. The Posh Kids should be proud.
It was a great despedida, if I may objectively say so. All the guests were entertained, thanks to the six kids who took after their ate's and kuya's in talent, showmanship and stage presence. We stretched the definition of youth, from 14 to way beyond 40 last night, but it was a blast. The magic mic only started it all. Later on, people sang a capella or accompanied by the talented Mr. Jason De Asis on guitar. Food and drinks flowed and laughter filled the air as brothers and sisters, friends and mentors came to honor Daniel, who's now going back to his homeland of Australia after less than 11 months in the Philippines. It was the night before his actual flight, though, so people were nagging him left and right to be done with his packing already. But he chose to party first.
And party we all did. Blogger's image uploader is giving me a hard time. Will blog pictures when I can make this work. As of now I'm too sleepy to tinker with this.
"Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane..."
The teenagers from Banal na Puso chapel could not help singing it; neither could the Missionaries of God's Love and the Lingkod QT's. The words just clicked, except the part about Spain.
Now, thanks to the royal delay of Royal Brunei airlines, Daniel's flight was actually delayed by seven hours. He's traveling today on a plane pala.
When young Adam sang for Kuya Daniel "All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go..." , the latter could not relate. He is the world's worst packer. I know, I saw him in action. Or inaction. I think he spells packing as p-a-n-i-c-k-i-n-g. He spent more hours worrying about how to fit all his souvenirs from the Philippines into one luggage than actually sorting them out into a logical conclusion. Pasaway to the very end. The Posh Kids should be proud.
It was a great despedida, if I may objectively say so. All the guests were entertained, thanks to the six kids who took after their ate's and kuya's in talent, showmanship and stage presence. We stretched the definition of youth, from 14 to way beyond 40 last night, but it was a blast. The magic mic only started it all. Later on, people sang a capella or accompanied by the talented Mr. Jason De Asis on guitar. Food and drinks flowed and laughter filled the air as brothers and sisters, friends and mentors came to honor Daniel, who's now going back to his homeland of Australia after less than 11 months in the Philippines. It was the night before his actual flight, though, so people were nagging him left and right to be done with his packing already. But he chose to party first.
And party we all did. Blogger's image uploader is giving me a hard time. Will blog pictures when I can make this work. As of now I'm too sleepy to tinker with this.
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