Monday, January 03, 2005

New Year, New Word, New Title

This blog used to be called "My Process of Yielding". I have changed it to "Lessons in Waiting" though in order to reflect God's word for me this year. Last year, He was faithful in blessing me with much fruit after I learned to yield to Him more. The first part of 2004 was marked by my anger and resentment towards certain people and situations, but which the Lord miraculously dealt with and healed midyear. Then I received His blessing and affirmation in service and relationships. The fruit God promised became literal, as in fact, I found myself involved in a decision at work involving coconuts. I bore fruit in terms of new friends as well towards the end of the year. It was a thorough process of yielding, but "yielding" as in obedience indeed "yielded" fruit as God promised.

For the coming year, He is calling me to wait on Him as He teaches me His ways. This is Patience 101 all over again, but this time for new areas previously unsurrendered to the Lord. I've been notoriously impatient all my life, and so in offering my heart to the Lord He is teaching me to once again learn the art and science of waiting.

I thought discerning what He was calling me to do and what I really wanted to do would immediately lead to a changed mission, career and lifestyle. But His ways are not my ways! Jesus' signs in my life right now are all about waiting for His timing. Do I like it? No. If I had it my way, I would have done something already: either radically leave everything behind as I've badly wanted to do since October; or belatedly rebel against God by pursuing further studies abroad; or stubbornly fixate on worldly pursuits like shopping or dating. I would do anything just to get to my Promised Land at the soonest possible time.

"Wait on the Lord", I'm told, and so I hang on to His every word. I neither know nor control the future anyway. There's a stop He wants me to take that I didn't plan on last year. He wants me to go through Healing Stop. Rivendell. I have long-forgotten wounds no ordinary man could heal. I need elven magic to work on me.

Wake me up when it's over.

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