Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Spiritual Vertigo

Vertigo is the sensation in which a person feels that he/she is spinning or rotating, or that their surroundings are rotating around them, but the person and their surroundings are in fact stationary. (From Webster's 1913 dictionary).

The Biology dictionary defines vertigo as: Giddiness; Dizziness or swimming of the head; an affection of the head in which objects, though stationary, appear to move in various directions, and the person affected finds it difficult to maintain an erect posture.

I have experienced this sensation many times before. I passed out at the U.P. chapel once and when I came to, I had to ask friends to rescue me. Another time, I was on the plane to Bangkok and I could not move my head as I felt like I was dying. I have developed vertigo through the years, although I've always been prone to motion sickness.

These days I'm going through what must be some sort of spiritual vertigo. With my mind always ten steps ahead of where my life is going, while the earth and its inhabitants continue to spin at its normal pace, one rotation a day, one revolution a year, I have had trouble maintaining my balance.

My surroundings are stationary. Or are they? Many changes are happening to my family this year. A wedding, a reunion, a vacation, and a trip - these are normal occurrences, right? It's the earth spinning on its axis. At work, I'm beginning to see the effects of last year's promotion for my boss. It means more work for us. More pressure, more demands, more overtime. In Lingkod, we have a three-year development plan nationwide that's being implemented in each of the 33 branches. In Quezon City alone, transitions are taking place in the pastoral and administrative aspects of the branch. Not everyone is adapting to the changes at the same pace, although there is a unanimous desire to joyfully proclaim God's glory this year.

Definitely, there is a conflict between my inner and outer worlds. Since both are spinning, I have double vertigo. I have trouble maintaining an erect posture. I need to keep my eyes fixed on the only One who is unchanging, and who is in control.

May the next few days allow me to anchor the spinning events of my life and the broadening aspects of my dreams to God alone. Prayer, scripture, sacraments, community, service, fellowship - my spiritual Bonamine.

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