As I closed some doors last weekend, I felt a bit saddened despite the certainty that I did the right thing. In my prolonged search for my place under the Manila sun, I have learned not to grab every job opportunity that comes my way, no matter how attractive the offer, and not to take up every mission or service that is offered to me, lest I short-change God's flock by giving less than my all and choosing second-best.
I was reminded of Alice in Wonderland and how she was not sure which door to take, and how a rabbit who kept muttering to himself served as her guide, and how she had to take drinks and eat mushrooms just to be the right size that would fit the right door.
I am in that roomful of doors and I think I have been distracted from seeing the right door. So eager to get through the uncertainty and reach my destination, I alternately shrunk and bloated my expectations in order to fit the new doors that surrounded me. No wonder I got lost. I need a guide, and my guide is not a rabbit!
When I was starting this journey of self-discovery, the Lord clearly told me, "See, I am sending an angel before you, to guard you on the way and bring you to the place I have prepared. Be attentive to him, and heed his voice." Exodus 23:20-21. That has been one of my reassurances for the past few months. I tried to look for the angel. I tried to pay more attention to people with angelic-sounding names, but so far God had not sent a Raphael, Michael or Gabriel my way.
Perhaps my messenger just looks like an angel! That's it. :)
I'm trying to make light of a very serious situation. The next mushroom I eat could be addicting, or even worse, poisonous. I need to recognize my angel before it's too late.